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bonty04
Casual Contributor

A listening Ear.

Hi All,

First time discussion poster!

Life has been pretty difficult over the past few years. My fiance of 7 years has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, bipolar and now of more recent BPD. It has taken me years to obtain a diagnosis .

When we first met he was happy we believed we were soulmates. Our lives were very similar both of us having children and being seperated. My children adored him he was socialble he was the life of the party. We had heaps of friends life was great.

A few years into our relationship with him living with us he began changing. He would become irritable, his tone of voice would become aggressive, he complained about everything i was the cause as far as he was concerned for the unhappiness in his life. His mother moved he felt she abanded him, i work full time and have children involved in sports ....he would accuse me of not wanting to be with him. He refused to work always an excuse why he couldnt deep down i knew mentally he wouldnt cope,  but yet demanded money whenever he wanted and then would refuse to listen and commence the blame game when we had none.

He would sleep most of the day  attend to no housework ,he stopped wanting to socialize he stopped being affectionate he began being more hurtful with his words. We would walk aorund on eggshells not wanting to upset him. He went through not wanting to live i had to contact the CAT team numerous times they never put him in hospital though.

He would meet on occasion new friends. He began spending most nights for weeks on end with them. After a few months he would stop seeing them find another and less times would be spent with me and my children.

He had an excuse for just about everything. Myself and my kids would pull up the driveway they would ask me what mood is he in. He would be extremely apologetic when he had outbursts the following day but would feel more sorry for himself and beg for my forgiveness.

I organized mental health help he would go once or twice then stop saying he had the tools to fix himself. He never did though.

Over the years i have cried many tears, lost many friends and doubt myself because of what i have endured . But i look at him and still see the person i first met one that needs help.

When his recent diagnosis of BPD was made i cried looked up and asked god "why" how much stronger do you want me to be. See i am exhausted im tired im sad and part of me is lonely because of the person i love having these issues wanting me to sort them for him and i enable it. I dont know where to turn, what to do, where to start. Dont know what to say ....used to that because the wrong thing coming from my mouth would set him off................ 

I just need a listening ear.     

10 REPLIES 10
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: A listening Ear.

Here and listening @bonty04

Re: A listening Ear.

Thank you Darcy.

I have never done this before i have never asked for help advice tips anything. My kids dont fully understand reasons for why he is the way he is and can be. They think he is just being argumentative and having a go at me most days. The days he isnt they are happy and excited but they know its like a cycle we go through. I encourage them to stay a their fathers anytime they can when i do this he becomes upset stating they dont want him around anymore. I try and explain things but he shuts off blames his antidepressants and antipsychotics his on i know he hates feeling how he does. Tells me all the time he just cant control his rants or he doesnt know why he feels how he does. I have tried talking to others they just think his lazy they dont believe in mental health sa its just a cop out. But like i say to them unless you experience it you have no idea just how real it is and it isnt a cop out. So i have stopped talking now i just deal with it in silence. Thanks for listening.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: A listening Ear.

@bonty04

 

Keep.talking Bonty,  no.need to suffer in silence. You are not alone.   MI can be confusing for us carers too. 

 

Getting support for ourselves can make a huge difference. 

 

There are MH support groups that provide carer support as well as Carers Australia. 

 

What state are you in - I can send you some links.

Re: A listening Ear.

What an incredibly challening experience @bonty04. That's a lot for one person to carry alone. Have you got any ongoing counselling support for yourself? As @Former-Member mentioned, there are lots of members on our forums who are here to listen and offer their support too. I'm not sure if you've seen this discussion on supporting a loved one with BPD. It has some useful info worth a read over. Oh and if you feel up to it, please do jump in an introduce yourself to the ocmmunity  here too. Take care and look forward to seeing you around the forums 🦋

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: A listening Ear.

How are things going @bonty04

Re: A listening Ear.

Hi Thx for asking. To be honest i feel like im drowning. I try talking to my family members but it falls on deaf ears and i feel im the one who has a problem. But i have broad shoulders and there are many out there with issues worse than mine. So i put on my happy face lift up my head push my shoulders back and make out im ok and soldier on. But again thx for asking and just listening i appreciate it.! 

ImRe: A listening Ear.

Im in Victoria 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: ImRe: A listening Ear.

@bonty04

 

This list may be of help to you, Carers Vic offer a number of free carer counseling sessions.

 

https://www.carersvictoria.org.au/contact-assets/mental-health-support

 

If you are in Alfred Hospital Catchment Zone

https://www.alfredhealth.org.au/services/carer-services

 

 

Re: A listening Ear.

Im so sorry for the late response. Thank you for reading my post and your advice. I will definitely look into it. I appreciate your reply and thx heaps for your help. 

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