Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

@Owlunar, hugs

[Owlunar]

Sorry @BlueBay

I didn't get back to finish my post - it seems I haven't been in for nearly a week - time just goes past sometimes

When I think about things I have an idea that people often don't feel heard and it's really hard to get through to them - and when we do find someone who who hears - we cry - it's just a relief - things are different for me now that I am older but still now and again I find someone who really listens I will cry - 

And I listen to myself better now - I can tell my story to myself - it doesn't change much but every so often I get a new insight -

In your case justice hasn't been served and it is wrong that victimized children are further victimized by the law - and there are stories I have heard through my life close to the police force that now horrify me - and how could your remember what you wore on a certain day and what someone else wore when you wore when you were being terrorized - and to me your brother seems like low-life and I wonder if these other males had access to you because of your brother - 

I had a mother who wouldn't listen and wouldn't defend me too - and when I was young and my mother would punish me I had no idea what I had done wrong - even in my adult life I still do not know what I did wrong and that is abuse too - and you mother gave you plenty of that and I do understand

Sorry it took so long to get back to you - I know you have been in hospital - it is horrible that you have these symptoms but there is one things about being angry - it is your depression coming out - as scary as it is - I do understand that

Dec

[BlueBay]

No the other two guys had nothing to do with my brother @Owlunar

the three abuses happened at all different times. But my brother abused me more than once over the ages I was 9-12 Yrs old. 

yeah I don’t understand the law. How are you supposed to remember what you wore. It’s crazy. 

You’re right I think my depression is coming out snd there’s lots of crying. 

[Owlunar]

@BlueBay

It is wrong that children can be victimized twice - by there perpetrator and then by the law

Time will pass and something will happen that will change the law regarding child abuse - that time might have passed for you and all you can do is to find a way to live around it - I know this is hard

I have had to find a away to live around the death of my son - then is nothing that can change the past - and this is a hard truth - I think a hard truth is a stumbling block - we can fall over it again and again

 I have learned to live around this now - and it has been hard work and there are days I trip and fall

If you could get past this - you could become an advocate for young women and girls who are abused and the law makes it nearly impossible for them to obtain justice - some people also need to battle with the repressed memories that will surface eventually - 

Is the failure of justice to be served that causes you to be stuck? Does your therapist help with this? I know the one you have been seeing has been trying to help you with the assaults - but is anyone helping you to come to terms with the injustice?

Crying is unpleasant but it does release stress hormones - 

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay@Shaz51@outlander@utopia@utopia@Former-Member

I am okay now but I had a tough week - my grand-daughter is recovering from her operation which is a relief - she stayed with her Mum and Dad for a few days and put off her plans to go north for a while - there's no hurry there

My daughter is seeing her surgeon on Monday - this wait has been horrendous - last week was okay for her I am glad to say - I hope she gets this operation - which is really necessary - attended to quickly

I have been emailing with my cousin - I need to support him atm - with his father so ill - terminally so - and I think my relatives are in Australia so I don't have to push my passport atm but I will do that next week seeing as I am feeling better and it doesn't hurt to have a passport - I really would like to go to New Zealand for a short while - but not just yet - I have too many other things to think about right now

My cat is definitely has elderly-cat-with-behavioural-problems - which is horrible - I do not feel comfortable with her on my lap - I really don't want another rotten scratch - and I love this cat so it's really hard to think about. I have done this before - with elderly-cat-with-behavioural-problems - really sad - a long time ago my son's cat was being "strange" and waiting was the answer for a while and she had a stroke - and had to go - which was really hard - it always is and I have been nursing the cat during the evenings when she is peaceful - and just hoping the choice will be made for me - but I will make it if necessary - it's just waiting and watching

And I had a couple of sun-spots iced off my hand - and knocked one of the blisters off accidently - then didn't think and pruned some of the succulents in my garden and some toxin got into the blisters and they got infected - yeah - my fault - it really is - my daughter keeps telling me it is a noxious weed but I like it - but it bit me this time - so for several days I had to endure the antibiotics and at last I can say

I feel better today - actually I felt better yesterday

I decided not to see another therapist. I cancelled my appointment - this one charges a lot and wants to charge if anyone can't give 24 hours notice of non-attendance and for the first visit she wants a deposit - really - I wonder what such people care about - I might have written about this before but I wonder if anyone more concerned with being paid than helping someone really cares - I have you good people and you are not paid at all and all of you help

The threads we keeps here are an archive for us - we can access what has been problematic over time and we can read back and recollect how we felt about all of this when we are in the future from now - how will all of this seem in a week, or a year - or ever?

Thanks everyone - I do tend to withdraw with things get tough - I guess this is how I have cope through much of my life - and it works - I can sit and wait till time passes

Dec

[Shaz51]

I do tend to withdraw with things get tough - I guess this is how I have cope through much of my life - and it works - I can sit and wait till time passes --- that is what my mum and I  do @Owlunar

maybe it is the making of the cancer star sign

sending you tender hugs

[Shaz51]

Hello @Owlunar

I thought I would write over here , if that is ok xx

 you wrote -- Poor Little Kidney has to work so hard - there is so much he can't manage - I feel as though I have humanized him - aw - poor little guy working so hard-- Yes little kidney has been up and now he is down again , the specialist said I need to get the  diabetes and kidney disease under control and now the scoliosis is caused by the diabetes

you wrote --- Do you have any other supplements Shaz - like Susto gen - I know you have a restricted diet - I would really hate that No I can`t take sustogen as it has the things in it that i need to cut out of my diet

[Shaz51]

Hello @Owlunar

I thought I would write over here , if that is ok xx

 you wrote -- Poor Little Kidney has to work so hard - there is so much he can't manage - I feel as though I have humanized him - aw - poor little guy working so hard-- Yes little kidney has been up and now he is down again , the specialist said I need to get the  diabetes and kidney disease under control and now the scoliosis is caused by the diabetes

you wrote --- Do you have any other supplements Shaz - like Susto gen - I know you have a restricted diet - I would really hate that No I can`t take sustogen as it has the things in it that i need to cut out of my diet

[Owlunar]

We Cancerians are an interesting bunch

Beautiful tooI haven't posted many pics today @Shaz51 - so now I am catching up

What I like is sweetest when treated well - dangerous if provoked

I do get that - that is so me

Perhaps withdrawing is a sound coping mechanism if it works for us - once I was accused of sulking - really - I live alone - if I withdrawn I am on my own after all - I never did understand the "sulking" part - I guess some of us learn to live in our own skin

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks for moving that @Shaz51 - good idea

Your body is fighting itself and giving you a hard time - the kidney disease causing the scoliosis - that is really tough - I never knew that - 

You must have to be so careful with your diet - and are you allowed to take medication for the diabetes or do you need to control it all by diet? I really know so little about this

It must be harder as you get older because it is harder to absorb all we need from our food and if you are so restricted

Do you have to eat broccoli or is that one thing you can't have - I really hate broccoli - it's supposed to be good for us - if that's the case it needs to be chocolate flavoured - why doesn't science invent that

I have the feeling though that broccoli is something you don't eat - or rather can't eat

I need to learn more about this

Dec

[Zoe7]

It is good that your grandaughter had the support of her parents to in her intial recovery from the operation @Owlunar and that your daughter is seeing the surgeon soon. Not so good that you need antibiotics for your gardening accident - but we do need to be careful with weeds and pruning. It is easy to get small scratches but more problemmatic when you have those wounds such as sun-spots removed.

It seems like your cat is definitely showing age-related behaviours and that is heartbreaking for you to witness. They are such wonderful parts of our lives and such a big decision you may have to make sooner rather than later - I really feel for you Dec 

It is good to hear that you are in contact with your cousin and that your relatives are in Australia - but getting tht passport is still on the table - but not a priority now. A short trip to New Zealand one day would be lovely - have you been there before? - it is a beautiful place.

Money is such an impediment to receiving proper health care for so many @Owlunar and it is unfortunate that this continues to delay treatment for so many. I have been lucky to have good health care professionals that have often bulk billed when I can't afford the support - that is something that has really helped me to keep going at times and get the csre I needed. I do wish this was the case for everyone here.