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Sianna
New Contributor

Looking to feel less alone

I am the carer for my 14 year old niece, my younger sister's daughter. My sister is currently doing DBT for the first time despite having been diagnosed with BPD over 4 years ago. The story with my sister is a tough one to talk about. I do not have a good relationship with her most recently because I am caring for her daughter. 
My niece is suffering badly with depression, is chronically suicidal, self harms constantly and has PTSD from the myriad of traumas she has suffered in her life.

she is a gorgeous loving kid and I love her as though she were my own child. She has lived with me for three years now (prior to that she spent 7 years living with my parents but had to come to

me for high school as there wasn't a high school near my parents home.) 

We are truly struggling right now. She has come out of hospital after a 3 week stay in an adolescent mental health unit, and she is very negative about the possibility that she can ever get better. 
every night is a Mexican stand-off as I wait for her to fall asleep so that I can sleep. My husband is fabulous but it is me that has to do these nights as he is the major income earner in our house and somebody has to pay the bills.

i am furious with my sister for her inability to see how much her daughter needs her,(the only contact they have is when my sister calls at random intervals and usually tries to manipulate my niece in some way). and although I know she has illness herself I do not know how to have compassion for her when I know that she is the biggest cause for my niece's distress and a large portion of the trauma she has suffered.

i am hoping to hear from some people who are struggling in the same ways I am. I don't feel very strong and I know that I will need every bit of strength I can muster to survive this.

 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Looking to feel less alone

Hi @Sianna and welcome to the forums. Good to have you here Smiley Happy

 

I appreciate you sharing a bit about your experience. Its so tough being a carer as there can be such a sense of responsibility over the other person's wellbeing, and you often need to be the holder of hope for them. The love and care you have for your niece really shines through.

 

I'm sure other members will jump in soon. In the meantime, here are a couple of services that support carers.

 

Carers Australia

1800 242 636
www.carersaustralia.com.au

 

Mental Health Carers Australia

1300 554 660
www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au

 

SANE Help Centre

1800 18 7263

www.sane.org

 

 

Re: Looking to feel less alone

@SiannaReading your post really made me feel for you.  My daughter has BPD and I suspect my husband does also.  It is incredibly hard to feel like you have to be the tower of strength for both and be in the middle at the same time, and feel like you don't have the tools to manage.  I know my situation is not the same as yours, however, without knowing you, I know that you have the strength to get through this.  You can do it.  I know it is hard, but you are also so special to have given your niece hope and a lifeline.  It is a huge responsibility, but for her to have your love and support, will never go unnoticed. 

 

DBT will help your sister so much.  She will soon be able to see things and handle things differently, with the tools she will learn. Feeling anger towards her is normal.  I feel anger towards my husband and daughter sometimes.  I want to just shake them, but I always have to remember, that they are not choosing to have BPD.  It would not be anyone's choice to have BPD.  At least your sister is now being treated.  You watch her turn her life around.  12 months of DBT treatment has made my daughter's life so much easier to manage and live. 

 

Hang in there.  You are doing such an amazing job.

 

 

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