Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

He sees same GP as FIL @Faith-and-Hope who had a diagnosed mood disorder (what I don't know) - am worried about need for social worker or the like to assist him.  All I can do is give a bit of info, what she does with it is up to her. Sadly 6/6 has no medical knowledge either, he has been popping headache meds like lollies  ... even though they are not working. 

[Former-Member]

Although it has been hard I am starting to feel at peace with things in relation to BIL.  I feel a bit sorry for him but he needs to sort his own affairs out. We can be kind and ensure he is left with adequate - what he does with it is his business.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I have relatives I have had to consider from this perspective too @Former-Member .... the temptation is to try to be their saviour .... until you realise that the power of their circumstances and what they do with them can overload your boat and sink it to the waterline ..... when you have responsibilities and commitments of your own to contend with already.  Speaking as much to myself as to you here, of course .....

It doesn’t mean being heartless, as you have said, making whatever adequate provision you can is assisting without enabling. 

[Former-Member]

Mr D is struggling but doing really quite well but am having to keep an eye on a couple of things. The family do not realise how much cognitive function Mr D has lost - he comes over so well. 

I contacted his MH team as he was really anxious, I was pleased they responded to my request and followed up with a phone call.  

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope  I think if we lived nearby or in same state I, but not Mr D, might be tempted to do a bit more. My concern was that BIL has no money to register or insure FIL car, so we will make sure he gets 1 yr of reg &  basic 3rd party property.  We can see his estranged wife (who is demanding things of him which are out of his hands) will probably end up driving it while he uses his own older, not so reliable vehicle but that is up to him - will save him a lot of running around on her behalf.

[Former-Member]

PS - I am ever so grateful for reminders @Faith-and-Hope that is exactly what the forums are for.  All of these add up to me handling things do much better which is the reason I joined.  Feel free to suggest away. 

[Determined]

@Former-Member just catching up on some of your news now. Sounds like a difficult time all round.   Trust things come together for you and Mr D. 

[Former-Member]

@Determined the worrying thing is Mr D has withdrawn and is hardly talking at all. He spent most of the afternoon laying down. His leg is sore, he has needed to use his walking frame in public so feels humiliated about that, tonight he could not work out how to turn off the TV with a remote he is not familiar with. He is upset that he cannot recall anything at all about his visit 4 years ago, his psychosomatic aches and anxiety fuelling each other. At home he gets brekky ready for us both, he is virtually ignoring me - no affection at all. 

Funeral director came today to organise cremation. Paying for priority processing of death certificate so hopefully it will be ready before we go.

Vinnie's did not come as arranged - will probably take 2 runs to drop unwanted goods off.  Bro cut lawn and I did a little more cleaning. At about 9pm brother got a call and dashed off as his wife's dog got out - Mr D has been ill-tempered with him and told him off about this in an unkind way - but as he was going that way I said could he take some gear that was destined for his family and we loaded him up with a few boxes. 

I am hoping unit will be emptied tomorrow and I will be able to finish cleaning so we only need to come back for final inspection. 

[Determined]

Sending extra prayers for you both  @Former-Member

[Determined]

@Former-Member thinking of you tonight and trust all is going as well as it can for you.