Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Uggy78]

My husband suffers from bipolar in 3 years he has walked out on myself and our 4 children
First time was for a week second time 4.5 mth and this time 3 weeks
I understand but our children don't they are aged 19,17,16,10 help 😞

[Ellu]

It is difficult living with someone who has bi-polar (as I do). It is an illness, and when in the grip of a depressive or manic episode it is almost imposible to control impulsive thoughts and behaviours. Does your husband see a health care professional for his condition? Bi-polar needs to be monitored carefully, and your husband may need some changes to his medications to keep him on even keel.

Have you thought of Family Therapy for your family? Your GP could organize it for you. It would be a space for you and your husband and your children to speak frankly and get some guidance in pulling your family back together. Talking things through is not easy - that is why you do it with a counsellor. Perhaps you could go just with your husband first, and then invite the children to join in when appropriate.

I have done some terrible things while bi-polar, but it was never intentional. I felt as if I was in the grip of a force I couldn't  control. Fortunately my bi-polar is now well under control, and while I take medication I lead an ordinary life. I hope things work out for you - I can't recommend counselling highlt enough.

[Uggy78]

Thanks for replying
We have had councling before he came home and we got things under control and then he had another episode and left again
My oldest son and 16 year old daughter are talking it really hard this time
They said what 4th time lucky don't know if we can do it again
They think that my self and my husband shouldn't be together 😞

[Ellu]

Dear Uggy78,

You sound as if you are having a really awful time right now. You must be confused with your loyalty to your husband on the one hand and to your children on the other.I have to ask again, is your husband seeing a doctor for medication? I know from experience that sometimes a slight change of medication can make all the difference in outlook on life. It sounds as if he has had quite a number of episodes lately. Maybe a change of medication can help stabilize things.

No-one can tell you whether your husband and you should be together. I understand that your children are distressed and upset but staying together is your business, not theirs. That is a decision you have to make with your husband. Your children are far too young to understand the details and voice an opinion.

First you need to get the episodes under control. Than means seeing a psychiatrist or other health professional you can trust.When the episodes are brought under control then you can begin to sort out your life.

I know I go on about counselling, but I think it is the best way to work out a plan for living you can all accept. Maybe you and your husband can undergo Couples Counselling, to sort out where you stand together. Then the children could be brought in to Family Counselling so that they can have their say.

I really do think that talking about your issues frankly and honestly is the best way to go.

It is easy for me to say, I don't know your full circumstances, but please trust that there are ways to make things better. I do hope it works out with your husband - bi-polar is a bugger of an illness - but I have bi-polar too and I have managed to live a relatively normal life. It is all about seeking and acting on the help available out there. I hope you will write in again and let me know how it is going.

Ellu

[Uggy78]

Thank you so much yes it has been really tough and I feel so torn between my kids and my hubby
He does have a doc that he sees and he seen a psychiatrist on 1 occasion which I didn't think was right
We are off to the doctors today at 3:30 will keep you up to date 🙂

[Uggy78]

So we had doctors today and my husband has been put on a mood stabilizer now
Hopefully this helps 🙂

[NikNik]

Hi @Uggy78

Great to 'meet' you.

Sounds like a positive step. Did the Dr say how long before the medication will take effect?

Nik

[Ellu]

Dear Uggy78,

So glad that you are making some progress. If your husband has bi-polar disorder then a mood stabilizer should help immensely. It will help with the manic episodes and will also help with the depressive episodes. It might take a week or two to work,but hang in there and give it a chance to work.

I can't believe your husband hasn't been on a mood stabilizer before.I am not a doctor, but I know it is standard practice for dealing with bi-polar disorder. You say you saw a psychiatrist once - what happened there? Ideally your husband should make an appointment with a psychiatrist and sit down and discuss all the problems he is having, Then the psychiatrist should come up with a Treatment Plan which would probably include medication but might also include talking to a psychologist or doing some of the Behavioural Therapies such as CBT (where you learn to manage your negative thoughts)

I think the main thing is to find a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor you can trust to look after not only your husband but the whole family.

Let me know how things work out, best wishes

Ellu

[Uggy78]

Hey 🙂
Hopefully 2-4 weeks he is slowly increasing the dose for him every 2 weeks I hope this works

[Uggy78]

Hey ellu
I was shocked when the doc said why haven't you been on a mood stabilizer we had no idea the last doc never said anything about it 😕
This doc has been fantastic he is right on to everything he works in men's mental health too which is great
We have a number for a Psygologist who is male and is a little older than my hubby and who also has worked in men's mental health
Fingers crossed this works 🙂