Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi @Zoe7

I’m angry and don’t care about anything. I’m so angry. Watching tv in the lounge room. Hubby wants to watch tv in the front lounge room. So he’s gone off and instead of sitting with me. 

I just want to     I hate life. I hate my life. I hate everyone. I hate me. I hate me at the moment. I hate being sick. 

I want to sh right now. It doesn’t matter about my family. They won’t know. No one will know. I can grab something right now and no one will see. 

My stupid head back and run hurts. I don’t care. This stupid cough is still happening. I need to go snd do something. I’m sorry @Zoe7

[Zoe7]

I am here BB - stay with me Hon - you can get through this @BlueBay - I know it is extremely hard right now but you will start to get better from this virus soon.

[BlueBay]

@Zoe7 It feels like I won’t get better. The cough is hurting my head so much i have to hold my head. 

I just want to sh so I can release the strong emotions I have at the moment. 

This is hard Zoe too hard. No one will see the result of sh. I’m angry. I’m sick. I’m exhausted. I’ve told you all this 100 times already. You’re prob sick of me snd my story. Over and over again. Gosh I want to scream. I just want to be normal whatever that is. But that will never happen. I’m going to live with this forever. 

[Zoe7]

You have told me this often but I am still here Hon and so are you - that means you can get through this like you have many times before and that is also why I stick with you becsuse I have the belief for you when even you don't that you WILL get through this @BlueBay. Tonight is one of those nights when you have to find your inner strength and realise that the only person you will be hurting here is yourself and that won't help you with you being sick or feeling these emotions so intensely - you got this BB - I have faith in you 

[BlueBay]

I don’t have the faith @Zoe7 to believe in myself. I don’t believe I can get through this tonight. Don’t believe in myself but thank you in believing in me Zoe. 

Maybe I should go to bed where I csnt sh. I don’t know or care anymore. 

[Zoe7]

I care @BlueBay and if I need to care enough for both of us then that I can do Hon. Maybe going to bed is a good idea but if you can't sleep I will be here for s while tonight. I will drop by here and tell you when I am logging off whatever time that may be - okay BB 

[BlueBay]

Ok thsnkyou @Zoe7 you are so caring loving snd a beautiful friend. I’m crying now because I’ve never had a friend like you. Never. You mean so much to me  ❤️❤️😘😘

[Zoe7]

Just look after you tonight Hon and we will deal with tomorrow when it comes @BlueBay - you got this 

[BlueBay]

@Zoe7 

I cant stop crying. Can’t sleep because of coughing non stop. I’m so emotional. Whst do I do. 

The cough mixture has done nothing. It’s been four hours since I took it. It’s meant to last 8 hours!!! 

[Zoe7]

Does it ease at all when you are sitting up @BlueBay?