Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Lisek]

Hi guys! Hope you are coping. I'm in a hole again...Can't seem to do anything right. Have this awful chest feeling of impending doom. It's been a really hard week, I seem to fail at everything I try, I don't see the right signals only to hear about them later on from my Mr "I really did want to do it, looked forward to it, pity we didn't do it". Am I this blind and selfcentred that I can't see it? This chest feeling is chewing me up. Mr sleeps alot, basically every afternoon 3h at least. I don't think it's a good sign but at the same time he doesn't seem to sleep much at night. I feel like It's all my fault. Like I am the reason for his depression, i'm making it worse.

[gyre]

Hi - thanks for asking, been busy with work. 

Things are somewhat stable at the moment so trying to enjoy that while not getting too edgy looking out for signs of another turn. 

[Shaz51]

Hugs @Lisek , @gyre 

@Lisekyou are not the reason for his depression , took me a while to relise this too myself

here for you if you want to talk , xoxo

@Ali11, @Faith-and-Hope , @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@Lisek 

Knowing when to let our partners wallow or when to encourage firmly can be difficult.  Sleep issues = 😬

Mood charts are a good way of monitoring mood (even if not bipolar) and sleep hours can be recorded on these. 

[Lisek]

Mood charts sounds good although may seem a little patronising I guess. Do I do it with my Mr? 

[Former-Member]

With a mood chart a patient marks their daily mood from normal to either up or down @Lisek  the one Mr Darcy has increments from -3 to +3, there are fields for anxiety, irritability sleep hours and meds taken.  We have found them really helpful particularly as Mr D had med changes, pdoc could see how he was doing. Mr D marks mood, anxiety, irritability, I generally mark the rest, he finds it "too hard". I don't think it patronising, rather best practice.

[Ali11]

Mood charts sound like a great tool @Former-Member, I can imagine they'd really help in living a proactive day vs a reactive day, being able to identify moods as you start seeing patterns over time. 

[Former-Member]

That is the whole point of them @Ali11 . Helps monitor how mood is tracking and subsequently if mood ramping up or plunging down and intervention needed. Useful too if there are med changes - in our case demonstrated stability after crisis meds discontinued.

[Ali11]

That's a great share @Former-Member, and hearing about your experiences with it makes it all the more valuable. Sometimes it can be difficult to be open to trying a new approach unless you know someone who has had some success with it. Thanks for being so helpful! 

[Gusday]

Feeling crappy to be honest. Really missing a hug and conversation or just a how was your day, although he’s never really been one to ask that. Asked him on the weekend do you dislike a quick hug that much and the reply was “I don’t like being around anyone, don’t make this about you” I wasn’t meaning that at all I’m just trying to understand what he’s feeling. Noticed jottings on his paperwork from psychologist appointment today that had a sort of flow chart for things he’s not coping with and one was “ wife’s intrusive questions”. I hardly ask any questions of him and when I do I try to phrase most of them so he can give just a yes or no answer. I guess if I didn’t ask if he ouldnt like that either. Can’t win really. Just have to keep playing the waiting game. I’m grateful that he goes to work each day and walks the dogs with me on weekends but the silence is deafening. Feel myself esteem plummeting as it just feels like rejection all the time. I know it’s just the depression but it’s so hard to remember not to take things personally.