Lived Experience Forum

[Sophia1]

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@Former-Member wrote:

Good morning @Sophia1

I hope your specialist appointment went ok, you got your questions answered, and hopefully there is no follow up.

I do like being outside. I do like doing things with my hands. But a lot has the level of self-preserving acitivities now and I feel my glass walls, where I can look out, but don't feel the wind, can't smell the roses, are closing in around me. "I am the point"? Not neccessarily true for me.Why am I the point when I cannot contribute and cause pain to others?

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Hello @Former-Member

I read pain between your words....

If you do not like my choice of words....I am sorry ....you are in a fragile stage of recovery...not insinuating that you have a fragile personality...leaving hospital and returning home is almost a transitional period of recovery....

feelings of what is the point do not just appear one day out of thin air...

these are built up over a period of time ...

I don't expect you to discuss your experiences either...

I am wanting only to reassure you...that you are not alone...even though you do not feel that your life has a point at this given time possibly...the fact that you went to hospital...worked hard and still are in recovery tells me that you are worthwhile.....you are doing the work...that takes courage...bravery...

Please understand that I do respect you...

Specialist scenario...have been referred to another one  as well...then back to him....oh joy!

[Whiteknight]

Hi @Former-Member

There are many diverse people out there in terms of thinking differently. However, like you, they also wear masks of friendliness, yet could harbour their true selves, in fact most people do.

If we seek compatibility we will be disappointed. Eg. I support a federal senator. I've known him for 40 years. There us one topic I disagree with him but he wouldnt know as I dont discuss it. I'll still support him and vote for him but I accept our difference and leave it alone.

In terms of bosses @Former-Member Ive been one and just because an employee is terminated doesnt always mean they are deficient,  it just means that person doesnt fit into the role they are asked to perform. As soon as you can, move on mentally, regroup and be a fighter. 

[Sophia1]

Hello @Former-Member

I wanted to see how you are feeling now....

Hoping that you are managing as best as you can...

Do you have strong support from as psychiatrist or psychologist or mental health team?

I hope that you do have some support..

we all need support...those of us on the lived experience side..

no matter how independent we are...

we can still be true to ourselves...true to our own values ...accepting support offered at the same time..

do you want to talk about anything?

I have to be off of here for a while now but will check back in later today...tonight ...or tomorrow morning...

if you prefer not to....just let me know that you are ok....I will always respect your wishes...respect you...

take care

[Former-Member]

Good morning @Sophia1

thank you for checking in with me. How are you doing? Do you have nice plans for the weekend?

I‘m doing ok. I’m coping, keeping myself safe and trying new things. I’m mentally that exhausted that I’ve stopped thinking about values and am actually accepting guidance from my care team. They suggest an activity, even if it’s small like ‘brush your teeth everyday’ and I try. I try larger activities too, like going to an art group for a few hours, that leaves me exhausted but I guess it will take time to build stamina and resilience. 

Trying to surf through the dark and scary patches with helpline or therapist support and meds. I guess knocking myself out in a monitored and mutually agreed on (with my psych) way is better than falling into old unhelpful coping strategies - which I still do... keeps me safe and out of hospital. 

I hope you have a lovely day today!

[Sophia1]

hello @Former-Member

Thank you for writing back...

You are looking after yourself and listening to those who are supporting you...

I smile actually at :

I’m mentally that exhausted that I’ve stopped thinking about values 

We can have as many strategies...back up plans...meditation...mindfulness....grounding techniques....along with many other ways of turning to when coping...

At the time of crisis ...none of these can help us..

When life becomes too much....when feeling overwhelmed...lost....drained and had enough....all a person can do is remember how to breathe...reach out and talk to someone...

You have done well to get to where you are now from where you were....So be proud...

I think that I can detect a sense of humour in there....lovely...

humour is my saving grace...although it seems to run away from me when I hit rock bottom...I always find it again though..

Very important that you feel safe..

If you are over the values bit at the moment you can always start another thread ...some of the larger threads do move very quickly and for me I found that distressful...

you might not feel that...you might like the short responses and chat..

try them all....go with your intuition

As for my day...not starting off well....yesterday was horrendous so still reeling from that....still climbing back up..

packing ready for move...

sun is out....

If you want to keep in touch that would be lovely...

if not ...that is fine too....I will not be offended....

I write to less people now....those whom I feel I cannot upset...

I will be off of here at some time ....might not have enough time to let everyone know or remember every thread or every name...

I will be back once fully moved into new place...

It has been a pleasure starting to get to know you...

ps I hope that you are closer to knowing your answer for "what is the point"....

[Former-Member]

Hello @Sophia1

Thank you for your message. I hope you’re feeling a bit better and your day turned out well. We had a little sunshine here too and my day improved 🙂

i like your comment re remembering how to breathe. This is the picture on my wall

I did start a new thread that helps me a bit more than values at the moment https://saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/Me-myself-and-me-again/m-p/571598#M138186

Looking at values is a bit like anything I try to focus on at the moment. Whatever I try to focus on, even if it’s the washing up, it gets an overwhelming task. If I don’t focus on anything, I do things - even the dishes. When I look at values and think about actions to bring me closer, I mourn that my illness robbed me off so much capability and engagement. It’s just a sad subject at the moment even if I know that it’s important for my life - like breathing, but breathing is more important. I have many good ideas to improve my quality of life when I have a good day or two, but when I’m unwell and fight my suicidal thoughts, i don’t understand the point of values, looking at diet and exercise, future... then I need to focus on breathing and keeping myself safe. It’s an exhausting process and somehow i don’t know how to break the cycle :face_with_rolling_eyes:

hope you sleep well

[Sophia1]

Hello @Former-Member

Thankyou for responding.

I think that you are doing well considering how hard your struggles are.

focussing on what you are able to do and rest...

values are a part of us...you need not think too hard about them...

you will know when you want to rather than being told to.

your wellbeing is about you looking after you..which is hard for many of us who are used to putting ourselves last.

perhaps  you can start with noticing a few things around you....notice how you feel at the time.then rest..

try again the next day if you enjoy this.if not stop

I will check out your other thread..

you will find some very supportive people on the forums

take care

sophia 

🌷