14th year house bound

[Jacques]

sorry Karen i just wrote a long page, and deleted it, i am not in a good frame of mind tonight, we will talk tomorrow, soryr Karen, i am in a dark place.

Please take care, be safe

Jacques

[hiddenite]

So sorry Jacques you know what you need to do to stay safe.

Thanks for the support today.

Look after yourself j.

Karen

[hiddenite]

Is there anything I can do to help Jacques. You maybe better off if you can talk about it I'm hear to listen.

[Jacques]

Hi @Blue2015,

Sorry i would have replyed last night but i was in a bad place and did not want to upset you.

I feel your pain, it is not a nice existance, i did the same, i studied with huge amounts of anxiety, but completed most of my IT trainning, and i have all the qualifications to have a top paying job, but am unable to work.

I am glad you have support from your parents, it makes all the difference, i am struggling at the moment to hide the severity of my condition from my extended family, i think they are shocked and horrified what i think every day.

I hope you manage to find some help @Blue2015, it is not even an existance the way we live, it is so far beyond suffering, but the longer we live like this the harder it is to break.  please try to break this habbit, try to get some help.

Take care @Blue2015, be safe.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

Sorry about last night, i had a really bad reaction to the show, i am so scared i am going to end up in one of those places.  It is ggoing to be a tough couple of nights to go.

I hope you are doing ok today, i am here if you need me, like you are for me.

I am so glad i deleted my post last night, i was talking about wanting to take my own life, i don't want you to read these things.

Well i hope to speak to you today my angel.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Oh Jacques your not going to watch the others are you?

I don't think that would be good for you.

You need to remember when you end up in one of those places they have you on so much medication that you are barely able to function. It's how they keep the patients under control.

I'm so sorry I mentioned the program to you. I certainly don't want to tip you over the edge.

You have the wonderful support of your mum. The Dr obviously is there to help seeing he gives you medication for 6 months. So the chances of you ending up in there is slim. You have the knowledge to help yourself stay in the present. All the other methods we've spoken about to keep you safe.

You also are very aware of how much your body can manage before you need to rest. These are all positives for you j.

Oh and you have me!!!!! What more could you want?

Take care

Karen

[Jacques]

Hi my angel,

Please don't be sorry, I was going to watch it before you suggested it. It was not your fault.

I feel compelled to watch the show, no matter how uncomfortable, I have the same compulsion with the news.

When something happens to mum Karen, I am going to end up in one of those places, I will have no choice, I can't function without her. I will not cope on my own.

Karen you may joke about being my friend, I wish I could express how much you mean to me, I like how cheeky you are lately too Karen, it is nice to see you joking around, you are my whole world at the moment, I speak more to you than mum.

I am so happy you are my friend Karen.

[NikNik]

Morning @Jacques

It's great to hear from you this morning.

I watched the Changing Minds too. It was quite confronting - I agree with you on that.

While I don't want to continue to be triggered, it seems as though you have made the decision to watch the rest of the series. This may not be such a bad thing, as I suspect they will show how patients have progressed.

Now that you are aware of how triggering this show is for you, are you willing to prepare a bit of a coping list of things you can do after the show to take care of yourself tonight and tomorrow night?

We can help you with that, if you want?

[hiddenite]

I know what you mean I was very triggered last night but I will still continue to watch.

Jacques every if you did end up in a mhu at least you would have a diagnosis and be put on the correct medication for your symptoms. You don't know it might be beneficial.

They are certainly not long term places j. They are a lot of other choices a mhu isn't a permanent option.

It's a last resort.

There is home visits and other long term options which doesn't involve a mhu.

Tonight I will be more prepared.

Break my night into hours distract

Listen to music

Have a hot shower

Use my senses to stay in the present

Essential oil

Crystals

Music

Breathing meditation

Walking meditation

Progressive muscle relaxation

Any others you can think of Jacques.

I have a meeting with my treating team today which is

My new psychologist

Psychiatrist

Dr

They are very full on and I'm so scared of ending back I'm the mhu.

They will ask lots of questions

I start stuttering and if it's really bad I'll be shaking to so I'm really not looking forward to going.

Take care

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen, remember I am here for you today, if you get triggered please speak to me, I am going to stay up this afternoon so I can be here for you.

Please take care, and remember, the treating team is their to help you.