Lived Experience Forum

[Bella1978]

hey @utopia

just a quick check in. am catching up on my messages but need to head out soon. will check in with you later on today and respond to your message.

until then, be kind to yourself xxx

[utopia]

Enjoy your day @Bella1978

[Bella1978]

Hey @utopia

Something like a case manager or support person for mum would be awesome – to come and visit her once a week. I want to set something like that up and tried to do it through our home help provider but they don’t do that sort of thing. Anyway, mum has had an ACAT assessment so we are waiting to hear back from that as we will be able to access more services, including social support. Although at the moment, she wouldn’t have a bar of anyone I don’t think!

Yeah, bourbon and coke wouldn’t be good for the waistline either luv 😉 but yeah, im really good during the day but want to work on my night time eating. I have a workbook on emotional eating that I have just started reading. I know why I do it, its just a matter of taking action to lessen it, and hopefully stop it completely.

That is awesome that you are thinking of going back to studying. Even if we don’t work in the area we study in, I feel that it is never wasted. Knowledge is power. And yep, I think taking on studies part time is the way to go, less pressure that way. are you able to do any of the units online? Then again, getting out and interacting with other students may be good for you, what do you think? I was thinking online cause of the long drive.

I journal every now and then, not religiously but it does help. I wish I would do it more often. Sometimes I prefer not to look back on what ive written in the past as it gets me down, knowing that I was feeling that way and in a low place.

Ooh leadlighting, never tried that. Yeah, ya get all messy with pottery hehe … definitely have a look and see if there are any workshops/short courses you may be interested in. it is also nice to have something to look forward to, and learning something new. Which im sure you enjoy as you enjoy youre reading so im assuming you like to keep your mind active.

I have heard from others that working in a mental health facility is a very stressful job and you can be confronted with many situations that can affect your own mental health.

Good that you are getting assistance from centrelink. Hopefully the medical certificate will be renewed so the stress of having to find a job isn’t on your mind. But if find you can go back to work, you can. that’s right isn’t it? and you just let centrelink know? How does it work with workcover? I assume that’s from a workplace claim.

Aaw poor pooch! Lucky you have floorboards haha!

No, I don’t have any pets, we had cats when I was in primary school, and then we had dogs after that. I do love dogs but they are a responsibility and im not sure it is something I can take on.

And no, no kids or partner … so boring I am lol . although I find looking after myself and supporting mum is enough for me to deal with hehe

Aaw how old is your son?

Me sleepy. Mum is having a nap herself. She wanted me to give her the anti psychotic she was prescribed by her pdoc. She is only to take that at night. I told her and she got upset with me and went to bed. She does have another type of medication that will ease anxiety and help her relax – but she didn’t want that one. Im lost.

Anyway, what you been up to? Hope you are well and hear from you when you can xxx

[utopia]

I hope you hear back from the ACAT Assessment soon @Bella1978. Is your mum under or eligible for the NDIS? That may be something to look at, with regards a friendly weekly visitor.
I did hear years ago, of a group formed to match volunteers with people in their homes. Either a weekly or fortnightly basis. They matched people based on interests. They could go out together or just sit at home and chat. I can't remember the name of the organisation. But maybe the Brotherhood of St Laurence or The Salvos or similar, might be able to lead you in the right direction. Would be good for your mum to have a friend similar in age to come and visit her.
I had a workplace incident with a dangerous client and I was left on my own with him. Hence, mental breakdown and WorkCover.
Had my psychologist appointment today. He's looked back through my notes and us wondering if there is a link between when my depression hits and when WorkCover sends me for a psych review or makes changes to ky claim. So next fortnight we will compare the dates. But he says I'm doing well - mood wise. But have to improve my behavior - as I'm sliding backwards there. So I really have to put in an effort this fortnight to get back into a healthy sleeping and eating routine.
I post on the Forum from my mobile and I can't upload photos from it. So I'll have to find time to get on the computer to do it. It will take time. I have to motivate myself to do even that. As I find it frustrating that I can't remember the steps in how to do it. I get angry with myself, because I used to be brilliant on the computer and I had a good memory.
Do you find that? That you get angry with yourself as you can no longer do something aswell as you used to?
Have talked with my psychologist about Uni. He and I agree, that because I'm prone to isolating myself, that I'll be better at Uni - rather than doing it on line.
I've always been a talker and I love a real conversation, and deep talks. So going to Uni in person would be best for me.
Your not boring for having no kids or partner. I have a 15 year old. Teenagers - aaarrrggghhh!!!
Lol. But no partner for over 10 years. Happy to stay single til a good guy comes around.
Leadlighting is good if you dont mind cuts all over your hands from splintered glass. But because you enjoy mosaic, you'll probably be really good at Leadlighting as well. The placing of colours, etc.
Am so tired right now. But have to try and stop late afternoon naps. Coz then I'm up all night.
I'll go and get dinner ready. Sausages, mashed potatoes and vegies. I'll eat mone once it's ready and I'll have a plate ready for when my boy gets home from his new part time job.
Hope you and your mum have a good night tonight.

[Bella1978]

@utopia

hey sweets, sorry ive been MIA. had to rush mum to hospital on thursday night - she was very weak, sweaty, clammy - she literally looked like she had been drugged - so out of it. ambo's came and took her blood pressure - top number was 90 - it had dropped too low. anyway, they kept her in yesterday and was discharged today. im so knackered but wanted to touch base with you. will send you a proper message when i have more energy. how have you been? you ok? xx

[utopia]

@Bella1978 - sorry to hear about your mum. Thank God you noticed her condition and called the ambulance.
You must be mentally exhausted. That would take it out of anyone. I hope you look after yourself. A deep sleep tonight and some good food in the morning. Help bring your energy levels back up.
Please let me know how she is doing tomorrow. Sending hugs to you both. ♥♥♥♥

[Bella1978]

@utopia
Thanks luv 😘

[Bella1978]

@utopia

hey sweets, im hoping i hear back from ACAT soon as i will be able to access further services. no, mum isnt under NDIS - i have never really looked into it for mum but i think they may have an age limit on it. hang on, let me check. just checked, looks like the maximum age is 65 to access ndis. their view is that people over 65 years of age must access the aged care system, ie ACAT. i get that though.

the volunteer scheme sounds good. someone to come and sit with mum. i know there are places like that here in perth.

im so sorry to hear what you experienced at your workplace. that would have been very stressful for you, and scary. 

thats really interesting re: the potential link between psych reviews and your depression, and it is a very good idea to document the dates. i used to work as a legal secretary (many years ago) and insurance companies (especialy workers compensation ones) really put people through the ringer. i saw how people were effected when going through workers comp claims. it is understandable that you would get depressed and anxious when going to the psych reviews. they would be very intimidating. and you know they are not on your side - they work for the insurance companies. does it look like your claim may be finalised soon or it may go on for a while longer? i hope you dont have to endure too much crap from the insurance company.

yes, some days are harder than others when trying to motivate ourselves. ive been struggling of late, especially as ive been waking up with anxiety. it tends to settle down either on its own or after i have a cry. but i am very slow while the anxiety is there. and the situation with mum feels 100% worse when i feel like that.

that is a good idea to do uni face to face. especially as it will get you mixing with other people. and doing it part time wont feel too confronting as opposed to being there full time.

haha i know all about cuts and splinters on my hands when mosaicing. its not hard to get them when im cutting my glass. i was cutting some the other night and omg my arm was hurting. i use the nippers to cut the glass. not as strong as i used to be lol

yeah, thursday night was stressful. they admitted her to hospital so i came home after they did the tests in emergency. i went to see her on friday and was really distressed. mum was not herself at all. i asked to speak to one of the social workers there as i needed to just vent and had a good cry. mum came home yesterday. im worried, which is natural, and it does get overwhelming and im scared as i dont know how this is all gonna pan out and how i am going to deal with it all. thinking about it all exhausts me too. my sister came over this morning. we chatted. she said she is going to help me, come over every few days and help around the house, cook for me and mum, etc. i explained to her that i havent felt i can contact her for support because of past experiences when i have needed her. i would really appreciate her helping me out but im not going to get too excited about it as she has let me down so many times in the past. im being hopeful but we will see.

how has your weekend been? have you been up to much? what is the latest in your life? hehe

the weather is quite nice over here in perth. i should go for a walk, especially after the way i have been eating of late - omg utopia - you wouldnt believe how much crap i eat when im not in a good place emotionally.

ooh, what is your son doing work wise? does he enjoy his new job?

all right my dear, enjoy the rest of your weekend and hope to hear from you soon.

xxxxx

[utopia]

@Bella1978.
I really do hope your sister does help out. Even once a week would help take the load off of you. She could take you out for a coffee. Or take mum out for a walk. Maybe even strip mums bed and change the sheets. But I think the best would be her cooking for you both. I don't know why it is, but food cooked by other people always seems to taste better than our own cooking. Yes?
I hear you when you say, she's let you down before. But fingers crossed for this time.
What did the hospital do for your mums low bp? Is she on a new medication for that? Did your mum used to have high bp? My mum used to fluctuate between high and low. It took a long time fir the doctors to get her medication right..
No wonder you are waking up with anxiety already present. I imagine it's been worse since Thursday. That's why it's so important to do something special for yourself. Reward yourself. A long hot bath. Lunch or coffee with a friend. Go and see a movie.
Have ACAT indicated when you will hear back from them?
Yes, it's extremely stressful to have the WorkCover psych reviews. I don't sleep the night before. I'm a fidgeting mess days before. I can't take a calming tablet on the day, as I'm worried I'll just be half asleep during the review. I really hate them.
Yes I am aware that WorkCovers aim is for people to just give up and walk away. That's the way they get people off of their books. It can be very demoralising. Strangers hearing your private things. And knowing that my ex employer can read these reviews. I really hate that. Every month my gp and I fill out the WorkCover form and forward it to my ex employer. I hate them knowing anything about me.
I spoke to my lawyer on Friday. Asked him when WorkCover will do my medical - to determine my percentage of incapacity. That percentage number will dictate what payout I'll get - if any. But more importantly, that percentage number will dictate under what section of the law, we sue my ex employer.
My lawyer said WorkCover have put a hold on percentage review. Because I have to be 'stable' for them to do the review.
Stable for this means all my doctors must agree on the future of my illness. At the moment, they don't all agree (according to WorkCover) on whether I will recover or not. So hopefully they will soon determine that I am stable. This means a ruling of either. I'm getting better and will continue to. Or I'll always be sick. Or I'll always fluctuate between periods of okay and depressive episodes. My psychologist thinks it's the latter.
I see my psychiatrist this Friday (first time since leaving hospital this year. So I'll ask what he thinks.
It's all very frustrating. It confuses me a lot. Takes being told multiple times before it starts to make sense to me.
Anyway, my lawyers will apply to WorkCover next month and ask them to write to my doctors to confirm that I now have a 'stable' diagnosis.
That was a bloody long and boring explanation. Sorry.
My son is working at a takeaway food outlet. He's enjoying the independence and the money. Not that they pay 15 year olds much.
His girlfriend stayed over on Friday. Saturday I drove them them to the big town. I bought Gurrumul"s new cd. Bought myself some very cheap trackie dacks and windcheaters. Was freezing yesterday. Then I dropped them off at a restaurant to have lunch together. I stayed in the car and listened to the cd. Is great by the way. Traditional Yolgnu songs sung in language with orchestral music. Very different.
Dropped my son at work. Then entertained his girlfriend til her train arrived at 7pm. Then picked son up from work at 8.30.
Today have been so exhausted. So have pretty much slept the day away. Did too much yesterday. Think the socializing wears me out the most.
I understand the overeating gets worse when anxious. When anxious / sick - our first thoughts (even subconsciously) is to self medicate. Yours is with food. Mine used to be alcohol and food. Now just food. And sleep. It can be hard to break that cycle. But not impossible. Are you seeing a therapist/counselor to help you? It might be good to have someone supporting you.
2 hours to go and then I pick up my son from work. Then back to sleep.

[Bella1978]

@utopia

Hey sweets, so nice to hear from you.

I hope my sister helps out too. Im burnt out, and find my current situation too much to cope with. I explained this all to her today. Maybe it will make a difference, will just have to see how it plays out. My sister can be quite absorbed in her own life and dwells on it. if she had something else to focus on, I think it would help her to get out of her own head.

I love baking but not a big fan of cooking. When my mum is well we cook together which I enjoy – she is such a good cook. I look at cooking as a necessity whereas baking is fun lol! My sister is a good cook too. Just little things like that make a difference, its one less thing I need to worry about doing.

I feel that things are getting on top of me atm. Mum is doing hardly anything atm. So im caring for her and also trying to take care of things around the house, physically and mentally drained. We do have someone come once a fortnight to help with vacuuming and mopping but ive had to cancel the past couple of times as mum wasn’t well the first time and mum was in hospital the second time, and I’ll probably have to cancel on Tuesday if mum is admitted into the mental health clinic.

Hey, how is your mum? I recall you saying that her brother was going to see her to discuss getting some further assistance. Has that happened yet? How did it go? Funny how your mum and my mum are close to their brothers. I notice there are some parallels in our lives.

I thought they were going to take away one of her meds but instead they took one away and gave her another one to replace it. im not happy with the one they gave her though. Ive made an appt for my mum to see her gp tomorrow to follow her up after she was discharged from hospital and also to review her bp meds. Yeah, mum has had high bp for a long time. And yes, mum’s does fluctuate between high and low which isn’t at all good for her kidneys. She has so many things going on the poor luv. im glad that the docs finally got her bp medication right. Actually, we managed to stabilise mum’s bp medication but when she went to hospital it was through the roof.

I actually went for a walk this afternoon which was good. My anxiety has been pretty crap for about the past 4 weeks – since mum’s mental health has deteriorated. And ive just gotten more and more rundown. Feeling like there is no end in sight sometimes. I do need to access more support though – from outside organisations. I have the information just need to contact them. I also get scared as to how long I can do this myself, which I hate to think about. I love my mum so much and want to be there for her, always. But it gets on top of me so much. Although if I had more support I could probably manage better. Life’s not easy hey? I guess when things go pear shaped we really do appreciate the times when things aren’t so bad. I just wish things could go back to how they were.

No, I don’t know when I will hear back from ACAT but I have got a list of carer support things to contact, and one of them is to follow up ACAT so am hoping to get that done this week.

There is obviously a link between your mental health and when you see the insurer’s pdoc, and im not surprised. insurance companies that put innocent people through the ringer disgust me. i always worked on the side of the plaintiff when working in legal. Couldn’t do it for the other side. I would prefer to be helping the little person, not the big corporations. And yes, I can appreciate it would be demoralising having to open yourself up to that knowing that your ex employer will be privy to that information.

Ah yep, I do recall that the worker’s injuries need to be stabilised before they can make a determination of the percentage.

I think with any chronic illness, whether it be physical or mental, that we will tend to fluctuate. I know that when things are going well, I think I will always be well and when things are going bad, they will always go bad. Not a healthy way to think at all I know! But yeah, I think our health will fluctuate over the years but its learning the coping strategies that will help us get through those times, in conjunction with medications (for me anyway!) I guess when there is no ‘cure’ for an illness it is learning to manage it as best we can.

Nah, don’t apologise over the length of your message. I love long messages! Don’t feel as bad sending novels lol

I’ll have to have a listen to Gurrumul – ive never heard of it before. Glad youre enjoying it! I love listening to music – I find it relaxing. Also love going for drives and listening to music.

Even though the socialising wore you out, good on you for doing it. it is very important to continue doing it, and perhaps do it in small doses. It can be overwhelming I know. And your body obviously needed to rest today.

And yep, youre right – it is self medicating. Eating just stuffs down the emotions that creep to the surface that I don’t want to think about.

Yep, ive recently started seeing a counsellor at carers wa. I have to go back to see him, just haven’t had a chance to go back with the way mum has been. He’s really good though – he has contacted me a couple of times to check in with me and make sure I was doing okay. I thought that was really good.

Im laying on the sofa atm. Mum is next to me in her armchair. She is so quiet poor luv, and in her own world. Ive put on everybody loves Raymond as its her favourite show but she’s not interested.

I hope you are having sweet dreams!

omg i am so tired lol

Chat soon

xx