Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

@Former-Member. In the past family and friends used to get annoyed with me when I'd have to cancel a get together with them. Now they understand more of how my MI affects me - they aren't so cruel. But I feel terribly guilty some times because I know I've let them down.
I'm very restrictive with who I allow to be a friend on Facebook. If they aren't supportive - I block them.
I hate it when people assume I'm 100% 'fixed' because they saw me smiling.
Even though people who haven't experienced MI will never fully understand what we are going through on a daily basis. I appreciate it if they try to educate themselves.
I have enough self negative talk - that I don't need others talking down to me.

[Awpgirl]

@Former-Member yes. I have a diagnosis of severe PTSD and depression and due to other issues the doctors cannot treat my illnesses with medication.

I am bullied alot.
I can see a huge difference between how I was treated before I was diagnosed and since the diagnosis.

Even those that say they love me ; due to lack of understanding of how my illness causes certain behaviours (which I put a huge amount of energy into reducing); bully me in ways that I feel are them trying to help with tough love of something in me causes them to act that eay

[Former-Member]

@Awpgirl I can relate to all that. I have had many people say the same thing that they love me and when i have reacted in my own behaviours i think it has just confused them but i can't explain everything i feel &amp; think in whatever time. I was diagnosed three months after leaving my ex partner. I had nightmares to start with &amp; then flash backs &amp; reactions have occurred ever since. I had really really bad dreams without going into detail. <br>I also panic if i see a car similar to what he used to drive. I remember the look in his eyes all the time in my memory. I feel awful because i genuinely feel so worthless and i did stupid things in ways to cope and it just has made everything a mess. I still have all the negative comments and remarks in my mind everyday from others too. I feel like i became a monster trying to protect myself. You are very strong

[Awpgirl]

You are welcome to come joined me in my chat thread @Former-Member. I'll tag you in

[Former-Member]

@Awpgirl Thank you

[Awpgirl]

@Former-Member believe me I don't feel strong. I have a small group of people around me ; they are the ones who stand strong on my behalf.

[Former-Member]

@Awpgirl you are and honestly i don't feel stronng either. I feel very very weak more and more everyday. It's SO HARD. Fighting like hell just to make it through it another day is HARD. You feel like you are not living just surviving while inside you feel dead but you still feel every single emotion. I feel lost and disconnected from most of the things and people i had in my life now. I have lost friends, family and let others use me. I have a few people left not many though my mum has been beside me the whole way though i have pushed her away many times. I remember things my ex partner used to say about my family and my friends when i used to be around them having a good time. It's horrid

[Awpgirl]

@Former-Member i am sorry that yet another person has to suffer this horrific PTSD.

Of all my illnesses physical & MH it is PTSD that debilitates me causes a deepening depression that prevents me from being part of life.

It has taken almost 4ish years for me to get to the point to be able to make my own way to medical appointments.

I have had to engage community based support to achieve simple goals such as collecting my medication on my own; going to dance classes.

I have periods of time when I can do things and then weeks when I can't get out of bed and end up hospitalised.

I am yet to go a January without at least an O ernight admission to the ED OBS room.

[Former-Member]

@Awpgirl I'm really sorry. Dancing is a great thing to do. I used to dance before it all. It is a good therapy & escape to express how you feel. You are very brave to be able to do those things while you are going through it too. I have periods where i am somewhat ok and then i quickly fall apart again and just want to sleep but can't sleep because of everything in my mind. I haven't been eating probly nor sleeping for years now. I left my ex partner three years ago. I have been hospitalised once. I completely just shut down. There were hardly no words. I was numb