Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi to whoever is reading I've come to a point in life where I'm experiencing more negatives in life then what I was used to. I understand that if you flip a coin 10 times the outcome could be different each of those 10 times cause it always going to be heads or tails. But I'm pushing forward cause I still have hope inside of me for things to work out - as after taking meds for the last 5 years I only recently accepted my diagnosis and found meds which work as they should. For a person who is pretty easy going and maintaining a simple outlook, I've managed to become complex through situations in life and being impulsive which I'm working on fixing. MH and friends...:

https://www.sane.org/information-stories/the-sane-blog/managing-symptoms/lived-experience-tips-for-m...

there's a part in that hyperlink which focuses on not trying to push away your friends because it's the mental illness not your friends and I wanted to get a perspective on the situation rather than what going on inside my head.

I've been friends with this small group for the past 5-6 years and feel they are becoming more comfortable around me and have noticed a slight shift to the friendship and how it impacts me. There's a question to this post but I want you guys to know the situation before giving me an answer if you wish.

now things aren't really going well for me after finding the right medication as well I've experienced bullying from a handful of people in different age groups in different settings, I was unable to secure a full time job (which I will be trying again in the new year), and the slight shift in attitude towards me by my still friends. So things are not working out. Dw I'm not blaming myself but I think being a bit more sociable will help in this situation and I love people I do but I think I have to reengage in a different way or not be too hard on myself as dealing with the complex MH situation and juggling life, I wasn't able to do off the bat and may need a second go at that. I'm really trying I am and I don't want any sympathy it's my fault for letting myself get to that position in life, but family support has been unbiased and I want to be treated the same way by my friends - I'm just reaching out as I'm not accepting or coming to terms in what it means to be a man by my friends.

I feel like I'm being used now and wanted a clear picture of what you guys might think, whether it's my illness like the article has said and I don't want to rush off and make a decision I'll regret later by being impulsive. Because I'm contemplating cutting my friends from my life and finding ones who will respect me as I am. It is one sided at the moment just what I am saying but I will give examples just to get a fresh look at it from rather than in my own head.

1. they will target the jokes towards me, when I notice the others rarely get the same treatment.

2. I will get asked to get something to help them out as if they can't get the thing themselves once again the others rarely get the same treatment.

3. they will listen but not have a response when I open up about my mental health.

and it's continuos I feel like I'm being devalued and belittled and they pretend to sit their like kings while doing this and this is the point it's come down to and I guess my next step of action is to talk to them about this situation and see their response and see if they will change otherwise I'd rather have no friends than crappy ones.

so the question is, relating to the article and if it's my MH that is making me feel this way or am I truly being devalued, usually everything is fine and dandy and they will have random moments when this happens. Like it's not planned or anything just being themselves but, I feel like I'm not valued there.

im putting it out there as I would like a take from other peoples point of view, I sort of already have my mind made up about what's happening, but what do you all think?

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member
I suppose from what you've discussed here, that some of this is the cause of your mental illness, but most of it comes down to people's attitudes too, I think.
You have the same rights to a normal life as anybody, regardless of your mental state or well-being. You shouldn't have to put up with bullying either. Without going too deep into the bullying thing and friendships situation, I think so long as you feel peaceful about your decision going forward, you should be ok. Maybe you could discuss this situation with your GP or psychiatrist if you have one, because they'll be able to help you stay safe while you sort out your relationship problems, be it work it out with your friends or find new friends. I don't think it's good to totally cut everyone out so that you have nobody, this would be too isolating and you'll only worsen your mental health.
I guess the first step is to let people know that bullying isn't going to be tolerated, and then if it continues, to let these people know if they keep it up you may have to stop hanging out with them, as in this day and age people should be mature enough to accept everyone as they are. There's a difference between having a mental illness and deliberate wrongdoing. It seems that most people still don't know the difference so people with mental health issues are sometimes treated like criminals. You'd think that most people would be educated by now, being that it's the 21st century!
In any case, I hope your friendship situation works out for you; I hope you do get a new job and I hope your mental health improves. Good luck with everything!

[NatureLover]

Hi @Former-Member ...

I would be hesitant to cut your friends out of your life, for two reasons. One is that it might be best to make more friends before doing this; the other is that it can be a sign of mental illness to cut off all your friends. 

I guess it comes down to how much you want to be respected, vs having no friends?

The other thing is that I am very open about my MIs at work, and often people don't know how to respond, like you were saying your friends don't react. However, later those same people will come to me alone and ask me things like, "How do I go about finding a psychologist?" So actually, although they say nothing at the time, they are taking it on board and using it later to help themselves or someone they know. This is a very good thing, I reckon. You never know what positive impact you are having. 

Good luck working out what you want to do...

[Former-Member]

@NatureLover @Former-Member My decision was to talk to them and let them know it will not be tolerated I'd better have a back up plan before cutting them off I agree.

thanks for taking time out and reflecting on your values which are much appreciated. I think I will absorb the info provided and yeah smh to even be in this position but I guess when your down people can see and will make it worse. To anybody reading this and feeling down don't let my story deter you from seeking what you want don't ever give up 

[wellwellwellnez]

Oh that's nice sentiment @Former-Member . I wasn't feeling down but you gave me cause for constructive reflection. It sounds like a good idea to work on some boundaries and tey and maintain the good parts of the friendship. Can be a bit an effort but either way it'll be good fo the communication muscles. Good work choosing a peer support approach for the issue as well. That also seems like the way to go.

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @Former-Member and welcome to the New Year.  One thing I wanted to say we have a new moon coming up and new moons are perfect opportunities for getting out and meeting new people or even just setting intentions to meet new people

The new moon which is on the 2-3rd January has a way of incubating growth like Law of Attraction. I usually write down on a sheet of paper the things I wish to manifest in my life 72 hours prior to a new moon and put it under a candle get out and read the list every day. Please be careful with candle safety - not putting near drapes or fans where they can catch alight.

Manifesting with the moon is like the Law of Attraction but only more powerful under a new moon which is known as a time to plant new seeds like they do with agriculture, only in your instance you are planting a concept

Its away to get a targetted approach to what you want out of life harnessing the power of the moon. Many people don't know how to use a new moon to manifest, they know about Law of Attraction but don't know how to amp it up using a new moon.

I'm putting out some new moon wishes myself today and seeing what I can bring into my life. It works all the time as its in your consciousness and the new moon draws it to you  xxoo

https://stylecaster.com/new-moon-rituals/

[Former-Member]

@SmilingGecko  Thank you for your different approach to viewing possibilities to my own, I appreciate the kindness you've shown here to me on the forums... I'm looking for a different approach to 2022 to grow and learn from the past year.

@wellwellwellnez I think your honesty is something of value to me moving forward, I need to find myself more and take in life from your perspective as needed for me. Conflict resolution is something I'm working on being held back a bit due to medication but hoping for more social connections in 2022 while taking a stand for what I believe in, this illness is not something I would wish on anyone.

[SmilingGecko]

@Former-Member you are very welcome.  Life is full of many different ways of being and doing things.  Just choose what resonates with you.  Having said that I have just put in my new moon wishes today to keep steering my ship forwards.  I don't have a candle but a pyramid is a great wishing device. I saw it in a women's magazine like New Idea - you just put the list of wishes under a pyramid.  It can be a metal pyramid or even a pyramid with the right dimensions made out of paper that you have cut out.  My wishes are in and I am ready for the magic to happen.  I love wishing under a new moon, its incredible how it has shifted stuff for me and given me all the answers I needed. It just keeps you moving forwards. 

[Former-Member]

Hope it works out for you @SmilingGecko @I have just seen the three sisters and heading back to do some drinking tonight, hopefully this year I put a stop on it, but as for now it is party time

[Former-Member]

I'm thinking I just cut my friends off and move on, hoping to find some friends playing cricket which I used to be good at....this way I get respect and feel part of the same organistation so to speak, idc if I'm not being fairly treated why would I stay there. FYI I guess