I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I had the bath and don’t feel any better. 

[rav3n]

Ahh i see @Captain24 i can see how difficult that must with work, really glad you were able to pull over a couple times too, but i get that pulling over a massive truck doesn't feel ideal either - i'm doing a little brainstorm and i'm thinking... grounding exercise with alphabets? starting with A, finding 1 thing that start with the letter A, then moving up the alphabet... then after A-Z, doing it again but finding 2 things, then 3 things, etc.? Or what are your thoughts on talking to yourself out loud to help focus? Not sure if that's weird or not but I've had conversations out loud with myself when I've felt myself zoning out.

I really wish your work was more accommodating, that must be frustrating to not get that support from them! but so proud of you for trying your best and working with what you have, that's definitely a big deal!

journalling is really great!! even if its all scattered and jumping between thoughts, it's reflecting your headspace and that's valid! hope the bath helps, do like those bath bombs or aromatic stuff?

i'm really sorry you feel that way, but i can tell you that those things aren't true. you are NOT and never are a 'waste of space' or 'loser', you are so very human!!! it might feel like there's no progress, but i assure you its there - tonight's experience makes it hard to see, but you've come such a long way and you are so capable of continuing forward. i know its been hard for you, just remember - tiny little steps is all you need to take, sitting with you 💙

[rav3n]

just saw the message about the bath now @Captain24 sometimes different coping tools work better on different days, guess bath doesn't work for today hmm is there anything else that helps you stay safe? watching tv? working on a lego set? calling/chatting with a friend or crisis line?

[Captain24]

We did the alphabet in hospital. We did places @rav3n.

Work is difficult. I’m not looking forward to nightshift tomorrow night. I have done nights since June. 

I will need to concentrate. I can try talking to myself. I can try the alphabet. It’s suppose to be raining so the trucks are going to slide. That’s going to be difficult. 

I need to pay my mortgage so I have to do what they want and pretend that my hospital stay ‘cured’ me. That’s what they all think would happen. Not just one step forward. 

I usually use salt in the bath but I don’t have any so it was just water. I need to get stuff but I have difficult skin and have allergies. 

There is not much of me that’s worth anything. 

I am trying but I’m failing. Nothing I do is right. I don’t have a Lego set up but I did try diamond art and it didn’t work

[Jynx]

Popping in hella quick to send you some huggles @Captain24 💜🫂 I'm sorry it's so hard, some days are just a write off tho and maybe tomorrow will be better 🤞

[Captain24]

Hi @Jynx 

I haven’t heard from you so I thought you had given up on me too

[Captain24]

I feel sick. Anxiety sick. 

[Captain24]

I’m about to head off to my first nightshift in months. I’m really anxious with how it’s going to go and on top of that it’s raining which makes everything harder. 

[Jynx]

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@Captain24 wrote:

Hi @Jynx 

I haven’t heard from you so I thought you had given up on me too

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Oh my lovely, silly, darling Captain, of COURSE I haven't given up on you!! I would never! We've spoken before about this too remember? That sometimes I am very forgetful? And that it's an ADHD thing that does NOT and NEVER WILL indicate that I don't care? And that I also forget my friends sometimes too? And that just goes to show it's nothing personal?

It's okay, you just forgot! I can relate hahaha 😋

In any case, I may be a busy lil bee but I will still make time for ya when I can 😁 Just tag me!!

Won't really be able to stay and chat tonight, I just saw the message and wanted to make sure you knew that I have not even remotely given up on you!

Good luck tonight hun!! Hopefully once you're there, habit will take over and the shift will go by in a flash! Hopefully we'll get a chance for a good solid chat soon 😄😉💜

[tyme]

Heya @Captain24 . 

I see you are at work probably by now.

Hope it will be okay.

Thinking of you.