Lived Experience Forum

[ClockFace]

I have been selling pretty much everything I can and using all the money I can get my hands on to build a healthier life and a more structured life. I have got some stuff for myself to allow me to do things, like an electric whisk to make the man shake mousses, I cant do it manually because of my shoulders. I got some shoes and slippers that actually fit. Ive been wearing size 12 knock off ugg boot things that are too long but the size means the width fits, especially when my feet and legs swell. I said something about someone coming today to buy something and Mum said I should be using the money to pay them back. Keeping in mind much of my debt is from me looking after my sister when she was really bad mentally and they wouldnt step up. I had to deal with all the appointments, the time in hospital, making sure she lived day to day and pay for it all. Now she has physical issues and Dad is all over it. The rest has been from my own illnesses, scans etc. over the past 12 months. You would think that the would be ok with helping with that but apparently thats going to be held over my head as well. Im not even working, Im on income protection. I earn about $1200-$1500 a month less than what I was and Im just keeping my head above water, she is aware of that. But no I should prioritise paying them back. I have terrible news for her, once Ive sorted my minor stuff out, Ill be putting money aside for a new car before I do a thing about paying them back. Hell, part of me thinks Im not going to pay the money back for my sister. 

My sister on the other hand, STOLE a heap of money, tens of thousands but thats all good.

[tyme]

Hey @ClockFace ,

How are you? It sounds so unfair at home. I want you to know I'm listening and hearing. I hope things improve for you.

[ClockFace]

@tyme 

Hey, yeah Im getting there. Bit of a week this week. I have a specialist clinic on Wednesday, bunch of doctors and pharmacists are going to be looking at my case, reviewing medications etc and making recommendations. I got an appointment with the Orthopedic Surgeon, Im really hopeful that he has some ideas on what can be done, if we try doing injections again or if we have to look at surgery now. Then on Friday I have my Cystoscopy, find out if I have any new tumors in my bladder. Im not terribly concerned its been a fair while but you know, it sits at the back of your mind that I might be facing more cancer. Again, its not really worrying me a whole heap, its not the first time Ive been in this boat. 

Thankfully I have 2 things going for me, 1 I dont spend much time around my Mum so I dont have to deal with her BS that much. 2 I have a pretty thick hide and am able to ignore most of my Mums crap. It gets to me sometimes but most of it I just grump for a moment and then Im done. 

I get really grumpy with the way my sister is treated vs me. A pretty telling story is we collect our empty drink bottles and recycle them. My sister gets all the money from it. She has been in hospital or in a facility for a long time. So, instead of me getting the money, Dad has been taking it. He buys 1 can a day, where as I go through at least 5 bottles of water and a couple small bottles of coke zero a day. I asked him why I wasnt getting the money and he said, Mum only said my sister has to get the money, not you. So, because Mum makes him give my sister the money he does, because she doesnt do the same for me, eventhough it would be fair and the right thing to do, he wont give me the money and keeps it for himself, because he does the work of going in and dropping it off. There is part of me that feels pretty petty about this and am considering working a way that I can store the cans for myself and take them in myself. I look after pretty much everything for myself for myself and leave the other three to look after themselves. 

I keep doing that, when they treat me differently I just take over and shove them out the way. I dont want to feel like I am forcing them or I owe them anything. If they cant be decent without me pushing them to be so, then meh. If Im forcing them to be decent then they still arent, they might be acting like it in this one or however many areas but they still have an issue with me, they still resent me for whatever reason. Dad included. 

How are you? Hows ur fam?

[tyme]

I'm pretty okay. Been busy. Kids are back to school after the holidays so hopefully a bit of normality in life now. @ClockFace It's been a very busy holiday period for everyone.

Hope things get better for you.

[LilMapleLeaf]

Hey @ClockFace ,

I just read through your posts, sounds like you've been going through quite a rough time recently. I can understand where your frustration with your parents, particularly your mum is coming from. 

First of all I want to say from what I read I think you've done an incredible thing not only taking full care of your sister but also your own health as well. Some of your health concerns sound quite stressful, I hope those results came back okay and you were able to have some clarity on next steps.

From what I read I imagine you are living with your parents at the moment which can be rough when the relationship with them isn't the best. I'd love to know if you have any daily self care habits you do to make this experience easier for yourself? Or are there any places you are able to get out to that you can relax for a bit? If not, might be a great idea just to create some space for yourself while in this situation.

I think you have already mentioned some great ideas for moving forward such as collecting your own cans and bottles to return and earn for yourself. 

From my own experience I can understand that one of the hardest things is needing that support from your parents and they are able to give it to your sibling but not yourself. I'm glad you've been able to jump on the SANE forum for some support, I hope you have been able to experience that. Do you have many other people in your life as a support system for yourself?

[ClockFace]

@LilMapleLeaf 

Not really, Im pretty isolated. I have a mate Ive had since I was a kid but we only see each other once a year. I have a driving restriction of 30min and Im not allowed to drive down freeways etc and he lives over an hour away and down the freeway. He comes to me but its hard and he has his own troubles. 

My medical team are really good though. Im really fortunate with them, my GP is great she goes above and beyond for me. I mean, she is about to go on maternity leave so we organised a new GP where she is and she sat down with them and went through my case, on top of spending ages writing a brilliant letter for my NDIS application before she goes off. 

SANE has been brilliant for me, being able to talk freely and without judgement is really important. Its rare that I get to talk and Im not judged by my family, generally the end result being Im lying and things arent so bad.

[LilMapleLeaf]

Hi @ClockFace ,

Yeah that sounds rough. I'm sorry that there isn't much support around however it sounds like you've found support in other ways especially with your medical team and the people here on SANE. While I understand it isn't easy, I want to encourage you to keep on posting in our forums and talk with us as it can be a great way to get support.

Hope things have been going okay.