Lived Experience Forum

[Grainpower]

Hi everyone,

I have a not so complex health history but will confess I was a heavy cigarette abuser but have quit smoking for a fair amount of time now.

I'm 33 years old, I have chronic back pain, ADHD and I'm violent.

Something strange has been happening to me in public.

I was taking an anti-psychotic to help me sleep better at night, a blood pressure pill for ADHD, and a strong steroidal ointment for a skin infection.

but,

I started getting extreme lower stomach nausea and something weird going on with my heart and breathing,

to the point of nearly fainting and blacking out standing up, in the gym, and in the shopping mall, and behind the wheel of the car,

once in the gym, and just about every time I go in the mall besides today, and in the car it's happened rarely, maybe twice,

I don't know what I'm supposed to say to my family or doctor about it.

I suffer from a lot of pent up aggression and I often find nobody wants to hear me out,

which is something I choose to cover up with the medical staff due to the nature of their behaviour and comments towards me.

Does anyone have any advice about what I should do? Is there a similar situation that's been remedied somehow with the medical teams? I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to find out what I'm supposed to do. What the right thing to do would be?

[Appleblossom]

Hearing you about the difficulty in your situation.

@Grainpower 

re Anger…. It’s a huge topic. On one level it is essential for human survival on the other hand it’s destructive and damages relationships.

I was taught to express more anger way back in early therapy. He wanted me to whack a bean bag with a baseball bat. It was not really what I needed. Therapists all have their bias. 

You are probably wise to restrain yourself in current clinical settings. I have observed short women getting away with a lot more expression of anger than taller males. Hmmm. Find ways to channel the energy productively … it seems as if you are trying with gym etc. 

Try and find someone to have a decent therapeutic relationship with to work through issues that cause your anger.  Early experiences of powerlessness may be behind it. 

Try and develop calming skills habits that make sense to you. Eg I found doing 20 laps at the pool got me into a calm zone with the repetitive movements and gentle holding of the water… weird maybe. Find your own way.

You are the first person I have noticed admit being the V word. That is sad to me but it might be you being straight up honest and fessing up. Yet to have it as an identity might keep you trapped in it like a vortex. Feelings do come and go. It could be worth working on your sense of I in a truthful but creative way… and make changes that bring out the best in you.

Do you have a counsellor of some kind on your team? Someone doing the work of connecting to you?

Anyway that’s me saying hello to you.

As an aside can you tell me about your profile name?

take care

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Grainpower, nice to meet you.

I can definitely see why you'd be worried, sounds like it quite a scary experience and with no known triggers you must be so confused. I am also a former smoker and we are the same age.

I have experienced similar to what you are describing but for me it was the physical symptoms of panic/ anxiety. In my worst panic attack I did completely faint and thought I was having a heart attack. There are however lots of things that could be causing these symptoms so definitely bring this up with your doctor as soon as you can. 

I think if you just explain what has been happening to you at the gym and in the mall, just like you have here, that will be perfect. 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Grainpower , 

I think my advice would be to keep a record for about a week of all the times this event happens and also write about where you were, what you were doing when it happened. Perhaps even what you have been eating that day and the medications you are on. That way you can present to the Doctor/health staff and they can help you work it out.