Lived Experience Forum

[AnneOliver]

I’m new here and struggling horribly.

53 year old Mum of kids 18+ with long term anxiety - mostly under control but horrendous when not. The thing is there is usually something that can snap me out but this time I can’t see what will. 
My problem is that I don’t really have anything rational to be anxious about. It’s really hard to control anxiety with no real reason. I have just come back from what anyone else would think was an amazing holiday but a week back and my symptoms went crazy. All I can put it down to is not really knowing exactly what my life will look like this year. My oldest has moved out and m youngest finished school and I’m not working at the moment so am feeling a bit lost - I’m terrible at not having control and lots to do. I wish I could be calm and just accept and enjoy each day as it comes.  I'm trying to follow the Claire Weekes approach of acceptance for anxiety.

I use alcohol when the anxiety is bad. I don’t want to but it helps so at the moment I crave it at totally unacceptable hours.

Ive been on antidepressants for about 18 years and am very slowly coming off them with support from a psychotherapist. I honestly don’t think they do anything for me but am nervous about coming off them although I want to try. Unfortunately, Im so scared of everything now - even though I know it’s irrational.

I'm hoping to find strength/camaraderie from this group. It would be so good to talk to others who understand. I need an anxiety buddy! I am a fantastic support to others but can’t help myself.

Thanks for the chance to offload.

Anne

[RachSANECEO]

Welcome to the forums @AnneOliver well done on creating your first post, it can take a lot of courage to reach out for the first time. I'm sure the other Community Guides and Peers will be by to say hello as well but I just wanted to welcome you too.

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @AnneOliver 

Welcome to the forums and well done on making your first post.  It's a big step that you have taken and it shows great strength to be vulnerable with others that you don't know.

Anxiety can be so impactful on life and everyone will experience it differently, so thank you for sharing some details about what you are experiencing.

It sounds like you have a plan for managing your anxiety with the Claire Weekes approach - how is this sitting with you at the moment? (I'm not familiar with this approach so will have do do some Googling shortly!)

You mentioned that you use alcohol to help you anxiety when it is bad, but you don't want to.  Is there anything that has helped you in the past other than alcohol that you can try again?  Have you spoken to you psychotherapist about your anxiety and the ways that you are managing it at the moment?  They may have some other ideas that you could try to help with this.

I also totally understand what you mean when you say you can help others, but can't help yourself.  Have you thought about what you might do or say to help someone in your situation?

When my anxiety is bad and I have felt that I have no control over things, I like to write a list of things that are causing me anxiety and then break them down into smaller things or tasks that I CAN complete to try and make it more manageable.  Have you thought about smaller things that you could possible do to help with your lack of control.  You mentioned that you are not working at the moment - if finding a new job is causing anxiety, you could break this down into steps that you need to do to gt that new job and start from there.  Even things as small as organising your resume, contacting people for references, looking at some potential jobs/employers, thinking about what you would wear to an interview etc.  These smaller steps may make it seem less daunting for you - you only have to do one thing at a time 🙂

I hope that you find what you need here on the forums

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[PizzaMondo]

Hi @AnneOliver 🙂

Firstly, a big, big BIG, warm welcome to you to our SANE forums. I am so glad you found us here and reached out to share what's going on for you right now. I hope that you can find connection with our community and feel supported here 🙂

I appreciate your honesty with what you have shared and I am sorry to hear of your current struggles, it sounds like there are a lot of changes in your life and I know how that can shake some of us to our core.

I am not incredibly familiar personally with Claire Weekes' methods, but I do know she states that we must accept our anxiety, rather than deny it - and I feel from your post - that is exactly what you are aiming to practice here.

Anxiety is all about the unknown, it literally wants to swallow us whole and tell us things that may not be true, but either way, it's real and we feel it. So while you have stated you have no rational reason to feel or experience this anxiety.. I encourage you to follow what Claire is teaching, how can you accept and "float through" your anxiety? What has been helpful for you when you are feeling anxious? What do you do for yourself that supports your anxiety management that isn't through the use of alcohol? I am not judging you, but encourage you build onto your toolkit - what other strategies can you put in there to help you ease the passing of these anxieties?

Coming off medication is a process, and I am glad you have the guidance and support of your psychotherapist. Do you seem them regularly? I am curious what other supports - either professional or personal - are in your life currently?

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

[AnneOliver]

Thank you for your kind words.

I’m not actually looking for a job right now. I really want to get my head right with the help of my psychotherapist and some more unorthodox therapy in a couple of months.

I think that even though I’m not an empty nester as such, not having kids as a primary focus anymore is probably what has started all of this. I’m terrible without a busy and reliable schedule and this is not my life anymore. 
I could just create a busy schedule (which I probably will) but I would really like to be able to be happy within myself so that it doesn’t matter so much if I’m busy or not, working or not (financially I don’t need to anymore), seeing lots of people or being home alone.

[AnneOliver]

Thanks @PizzaMondo for your warm welcome.

I saw my psychotherapist last week but before that it was a long time because I’ve been away. We are booked in for fortnightly.

in the past, all I’ve done to cope is added prn medications as advised by my psychiatrist (who I don’t even see). 
After such a long time on antidepressants (prescribed originally for post-natal depression) my psychotherapist says  - I really hope she’s right! - drugs might mask the original issue but the issue is still there, which after all this time makes sense to me, Here’s hoping weaning off the drugs and trying alternatives works 

[Jynx]

Hey @AnneOliver - just letting you know I've edited your post to remove the name of the medication you mentioned! As part of our Guidelines, we ask members not to use names or dosages of their meds - to ensure that folks are only ever getting medical info and advice from medical professionals. You can refer to generic types instead - e.g. antidepressants, SSRIs, etc.

Also, just gonna extend a little welcome to you too! Your psych is onto something I reckon - in my opinion/experience, medications can help us stabilise/get us back to a decent level of functioning, but they aren't cure-alls that will suddenly mean our pain or trauma just goes away. I hope you can find the right balance and that working with this psych helps you to work through stuff in a safe and supported way 😊