Lived Experience Forum

[Kriss]

That pun was absolutely intended by the way.

But really though, I've been doing all i can. Heck, I'm even half way through a course about trauma information. I just want to move on and heal so badly.

But the thing is, I can't let my body be, or fully relax because it'll immediately get triggered anyway because I'm still around people that traumatise me, and in the environment where I don't feel safe.

So, what else do I do? I don't know. I'm just trying my best to remind myself, to validate myself and latch onto anything but it's tiring, of course. 

Anyone have any ideas? Or tips?

I'm trying to somewhat get out more but it's, you know.

I can't get out at the moment, even if i'd love to, but, yeah.

[Jynx]

Hey @Kriss I think you nailed it in terms of recognising that you're struggling to heal whilst still stuck in the traumatising environment. Healing pretty much needs to occur when our minds and bodies feel safe, and it sounds like that isn't an option for you at the moment. Being in a state of the constant hypervigilance required to continue surviving your circumstances would certainly be exhausting.

Do you have any options for even a temporary reprieve? Staying at a friend's house or even renting out a hotel/BnB to get away for a few nights? I know that those options aren't always accessible though. 

I think my tip would be to continue focusing on your coping skills and emotional regulation, if you can. Focus on the things that are within your power to control, and try not to take to heart anything harmful said or done to you whilst surviving that environment. 

Do you have much in the way of professional or community support? Like a therapist, support group, or some close friends/family with whom you do feel safe? Even chatting to a helpline could be good - an opportunity to get stuff off your chest and feel heard and understood. "What's shareable is bearable" I always say. Have you ever called SANE's support line? They're closed at the moment but you could buzz them tomorrow - 1800 187 263, Mon-Fri 10am-8pm. 

I'm sorry that you're stuck in such an awful situation, and truly want to acknowledge the resilience and fortitude you're demonstrating - though of course, I wish you didn't have to expend so much energy on maintaining it all. Sending you some hugs, and hope that something shifts for you to give you the opportunity to leave this situation as soon as possible 🫂🤞💜

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Kriss 🌺

I can see how the pun fits!

Just want to start with that you are doing an excellent job of moving outside of learning unhelpful things from around you, and seeking out new information that explains what youre going through, as well as giving you new tools and building resilience. 

Having said that, I do understand how almost impossible it is to relax in a place where trauma exists - I did that for a significant number of years and felt exhausted each time I was outside of the environment (say, at school) and when I went back, I was very vigilant almost 100% of the time...emotional and physical exhaustion was present on a consistent basis.

I tried to manage by cultivating safe friendships that would facilitate more time away from the environment (this was before the internet existed), and I participated in sports and team events which would then provide an immersion into 'normality' as frequent as I could. These moments, even if they weren't very long, would give a significant boost of nice-ness that I was looking for 🙂

I know that is hard if you cant get out, however I wondered how you might feel about cultivating those positive, and supportive connections online (besides what you now have with SANE Forums - which is great, Im so pleased you reached out, by the way 🙌😊)

Do you game? Or would you like to look into forms of art or creativity that you can do when you can have your own space? I used to draw, and I had a scrapbook full of drawings and short stories as a means of externalising how it felt to be in a place where I was on alert. 

I hope some of this is helpful?

And just so you know, you are full of worth 🙂

PinkFlamingo 🌺

[nula_ray]

Hi @Kriss! I want to start by expressing my empathy and solidarity with you as someone who shares a similar lived experience. I understand firsthand the challenges of navigating trauma triggers and the longing for healing, or honestly just a moment of peace, in an environment that feels unsafe. Your determination to confront your trauma and seek avenues for healing is incredibly brave.

It's awesome that you're actively engaged in a trauma information course. Education and understanding are powerful tools on the journey to healing, and your commitment to learning speaks volumes about your strength and resilience. Acknowledging and validating your own experiences, as you're doing, is crucial. It's okay to feel exhausted by the effort it takes to cope with triggers and to seek solace wherever you can find it. You're not alone in this struggle, and reaching out for support, whether through these online forums or connecting with understanding peers IRL, can provide much-needed comfort and validation.

In situations where leaving your current environment isn't feasible, there are still steps you can take to nurture your well-being. Consider creating safe spaces within your surroundings, even if they're small or temporary. This might involve setting boundaries with those who trigger you, establishing a calming routine, or creating a designated relaxation area where you can retreat when needed. Engaging in grounding techniques, mindfulness practices, or gentle physical activities can also help anchor you in the present moment and alleviate some of the distress caused by triggers. Additionally, exploring creative outlets, journaling, or seeking virtual therapy sessions can offer outlets for processing emotions and finding moments of peace amidst the turmoil. I personally find a lot of solace in music, movies, and video games.

Above all, please remember to be gentle with yourself during this challenging time. There's no one-size-fits-all approach. You're doing the best you can with the resources available to you, and that's something to be proud of. Wishing you the best!

[StanD]

Hello @Kriss 

I read your post last night. You asked for 'tips' - my brain was searching & I had similar responses to @PinkFlamingo @Jynx I couldn't work out how to reply to you.

This morning, your post is still gnawing at me. I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with other responses. It is not anyone's fault - I think you are in highly stressful environment. You have learnt to be polite about asking for help, & can include humour.

You are in crisis. There are no tips. You need to get out of there.

I think you are down playing your experience (I am EXACTLY the same) this is not a criticism on anybody. It's part of the cycle of abuse.

I don't know anything about you - your age, your location, if you work, or at school. Therefore, I cannot suggest services that can help you.

The only advice I can give you is to put every energy into securing safe housing for yourself.

The two services that managed me were 

Orange Door & SalvoCare 

You can also apply to Department of Housing if you are eligible. The waiting list is huge, but there are options depending on your circumstances.

You need emergency assistance. 

Hopefully, the SANE helpline will put you in touch with the services you need.

My other tip, would be to be as honest as possible. 

I often still make jokes about my trauma, & when I was so desperate to get out - I couldn't barely recognise the extreme severity of my living conditions.

To me, it was basically, 'normal.'

What you are living in, is not normal at all. You need urgent intervention.

I would have written the exact same post as you, a year or two ago.

I don't want to offend you or any of the other people who have replied with kindness.

(I hope this is ok to write @tyme )

[StanD]

P.S @Kriss I forgot to mention, I must have made at least 100 phone calls. 

The system is broken. Please don't give up. 

Please Google services in your area, you might be eligible for a case manager - that is what happened with me. Don't wait for them to make calls on your behalf. Ring everyone you can & find out all the information you can get. There are many types of housing options available. You need to keep letting them know what you are going through. You also need support, counselling through this time. This was all set up for me, once I called services.

[tyme]

@Kriss , you sound like a battler and a fighter. Just keep going. We have your back. Most, if not all, of us have been through the significant difficulties. Hopefully, by sharing, you will feel less alone in all this.

@StanD  is right. Just keep going.

[Kriss]

Hey @StanD , I really appreciate this and I really do want to get out. I'm honestly terrified.

But i'm also wracked with a lot of guilt, so i'll be honest i'm really hesitant and I don't know what to do. My head's confused on what I should do. My responsibilities or loyalties, if i'll be able to handle anything even.

I can't tell what the right thing to do is.

But I do want to get out. But I highly doubt i'll be able to anytime soon.

I'm scared that despite my efforts, my symptoms will get worse and that one of these days i'll finally give out.

But at the same time, my home situation isn't the, worst. It's not ideal, but that's how it is. I know I don't feel safe so my body immediately goes into a numbing state.

But I doubt my home situation will warrant anyone to help me get out.

Once again, thank you so much for the resources however and I'll continue to try my best.

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Kriss , 

I remember the period of still living at home but trying to work on my mental health. It's challenging and difficult but the important thing is that you are trying. You working on your mental health still has you in a better place than the you that wasn't and still had to be in that environment.