First up, I am really sorry about your dad. Grief can hit strangely. Sometimes we think we are coping, then days or weeks later it lands all at once. Not being able to say goodbye can make that even heavier.
It also sounds like you have had a huge identity shift since your work injury. Going from working full time since 15 to suddenly not being able to work is not a small adjustment. That can mess with your confidence, routine, purpose and how you see yourself. So when you say you are feeling lost, I think that makes a lot of sense.
I like that you are saying you want to change for yourself. That is the part I would hold onto. Whether your ex partner comes back or not, the work still matters. The danger is making the relationship the whole goal, because then your progress depends on her reaction. The stronger goal is, “I am going to become a healthier, more honest, more present version of myself, no matter what happens next.”
I would be careful with the “light switch” feeling. It might be real clarity, but it may also be grief, loneliness and fear all rushing in at once. That does not mean ignore it. It means slow down and turn it into action rather than panic. Big emotional realisations need steady follow through.
With the person from the sporting club, I think the kindest thing is to be clear and respectful now. Do not let it drift because you are scared she will be angry. You can say something like, “I need to be honest. I am not in a place to keep seeing you. I am sorry if I gave mixed signals, but I need to step back and sort myself out.” That may be uncomfortable, but it is cleaner than giving hope you do not mean.
With your ex, I would not rush in trying to convince her. Maybe start with ownership. “I can see now that I put you and our relationship last. I am sorry. I am not asking you to fix this for me or make a decision today. I am going to work on myself either way.” Then let your actions do the talking. Trust is rebuilt by patterns, not one big speech.
It might help to write down the patterns you have repeated in both relationships. Work and sport first. Partner last. Avoiding hard conversations. Pulling away when pain, shame or grief shows up. That is not to beat yourself up. It is so you can finally see the pattern clearly enough to change it.
Your GP sounds like a good place to start. I would tell them everything you wrote here, including the loss of work, the breakup, your dad passing, the regret, and the feeling that your head has suddenly clicked into gear. Even if past psychologists did not help, it may be worth trying again with a very clear goal this time: grief, identity after injury, relationship patterns and rebuilding self respect.
Also, intimacy does not have to start with sex. If you ever do get a chance to rebuild with your ex, it may need to begin with emotional safety, friendship, small acts of reliability, and honest conversation. Pain, menopause, grief and resentment are all real factors. None of that gets fixed by pressure.
You have not wasted your chance to become better. You are 49, not finished. Start small. Get a daily routine. Keep seeing your GP. Deal respectfully with the new person. Give your ex space. Write down what you need to change and then prove it quietly, consistently and without demanding applause.
I hope you keep posting. This sounds like a painful season, but it also sounds like the first time in a while that you are looking at your life honestly. That can be the beginning of something better.
