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[Helpmehelpmykid]

Hi, new to this but need to start my own healing process and do the best I can for my kids. It’s difficult to summarise my situation as I have been in a relationship with my husband for 30 years and despite my constant pleading to get help and diagnosis he continues to spiral down. I am guessing it’s IED best case but could be other. Whilst he is not physically abusive except for smashing thing or punching walls the verbal, emotional output over the years has taken its toll. We have 3 older teen kids and I worry about the long term impact on them, particularly my youngest who is very sensitive and reactive to emotional surroundings. I have noticed recently the outburst have not been directed at me but now the abuse is being thrown at the kids, it hurts my heart more than anything he could ever say or do to me individually. Anyway, looking for advice on where do I go for guidance and ensuring the kids can grow emotionally and be ok. Lots of google searches only give advice on how to support the mentally unstable partner but not supporting those living with them. He won’t get help, he thinks it’s everyone else’s fault. Any words of wisdom will be appreciated, thanks.

[RachSANECEO]

Hi there and welcome to the forums, have you had a look at our Guided Recovery program ? The SANE counsellors could help you work through these things, you just need to be over 18 and register *using an eligible postcode* which you can check with the eligibility checker on https://www.sane.org/referral

Otherwise 1800 respect also has counsellors that work in this space and can support you as well to work through these questions. Please do stay connected here, there is a big community of peers and guides who will be able to support you within this online community too.

[Ainjoule]

Hi @Helpmehelpmykid 

Welcome to the forums. Good on you for recognising that you need support surrounding this situation. As @RachSANECEO said there is the SANE Guided Recovery Program, or there is information and a support line from 1800RESPECT...with the website being: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ It has tips on how to create a safety plan for yourself and your kids. And I'm also sure you will find community and support here. 

[Helpmehelpmykid]

Thank you so much for your suggestions, I will check these out.

[Helpmehelpmykid]

Thank you

[tyme]

Hey @Helpmehelpmykid ,

I wanted to check-in with you. How are things going?

[Helpmehelpmykid]

Thank you for checking in. We are going okay, unfortunately the same.org/referral is not open to me and my postcode. My husband has gone away for the weekend so peace in the household for a couple of days and time to reflect and source helpful advice. Also looking forward to a couple of days of ‘normal’ with the kids…

[tyme]

How old are your teens @Helpmehelpmykid ?

You don't deserve to live walking on eggshells. 

I'm sorry to hear the Guided Service isn't offered in your area. We will be starting some new recovery groups which will be open to those who fall out of those in the areas for the Guided Service.

In the meantime, it may be good to speak to someone from 1800RESPECT.