1300 643 287 (1300 MHF AUS)
2 hours ago
Hello all,
I am really struggling through a tough breakup. My ex feels our dynamic was not healthy for her, and has ended things. I feel that through the last month of reflection and therapy that I understand these feelings, but feel we would would be good together again. My attempts to share this have only pushed her further and further away from me, though, and I realised the only way to lessen that was to back away and give her the space she needs.
I spent the last two weeks with no contact. No messages, no calls. I guess I was hoping for an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" feeling, where she'd miss me and what we had together.
Within that time, I convinced myself that it would be okay, and still within alignment for her boundaries, if I sent her flowers and a handwritten card for her. On the weekend one of her favourite bands was in town, and the card said "Happy <band's name> day! I know you've been looking forward to this for a long time. I hope it's absolutely magical. With love, warmth and care, <my name>"
I had been using this day as a goal to reach, to help me through the tough days when I really wanted to make contact and reach out. She wrote me after the flowers arrived, saying I shouldn't have sent them, it looked very expensive, and that I needed to be focusing on moving on and letting go. She said it made her feel guilty, because she could see the effort I'd put in and that the gesture was from a good place, but it still hurt her.
Now I'm left struggling, and I no longer have that goal that was anchoring me and helping me through the days. I feel so much worse than I did last week, like I've made everything so much worse.
I know I can't reach out again. But I'm struggling with the pain now, and no longer have the light at the end of the tunnel that was helping me stay on track.
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