HOW does one get one’s […] together?

[florencefifty]

I had a bad day.

I mean it wasn’t that bad. I was very anxious in the morning.

I had an appointment with my psychologist. I was unprepared.

Just after 9:00AM (the appointment was booked for 9:00AM) I called her and used those exact words, “I am woefully unprepared for an appointment right now”.

She said it was fine, cancelled the appointment, but she said it can’t go on forever like this.

It’s probably about the millionth time I have cancelled.

She said that I needed to speak to my manager and my family first before contacting her for an appointment again.

The reason I keep cancelling is because I never tell anyone that I have an appointment. I need to be more open about it.

I told her that I was married.

One day I told my wife that I have a mental illness and she asked me how long it’s been since I went to my psychologist. I said it’s been about seven months. I said I was busy with work, and preparing to go overseas and get married obviously.

She looked at me and said “that’s […] up, you need to go back there. I don’t care if you’re going overseas, everyone needs to put themselves first”. 

She was very confident in saying that. My psychologist said “well good, she’s right”.

I spoke to her for about ten minutes, and then had to go to my building for work (at that point I was in the city already). I realised I forgot my pass, and had to get a temporary one. I was half an hour late to start work. 

At work, I was fairly depressed. I realised how boring I am.

The three people behind me at work are young, probably meeting up with their friends afterwards, obviously flirting with each other. 

Ain’t no-one flirted with me in my life LOL. I’m an old man now (I’m 29), with mental health issues, no friends and a VERY long-distance relationship.

Lunch was good, I was in a British mood apparently, I had chips and gravy. God love this random restaurant that serves chips and gravy.

Going home, I forgot my headphones. I came in to work because I left my headphones in the office on Friday. I picked them up, was about to take them home, went to return my temporary pass and left my headphones in the room.

The most frustrating thing was, there was no security. It was 5:45PM, the wee hours apparently. Everyone had gone home. The receptionist didn’t have access to that level. I was planning to work from home tomorrow, but I’ll have to come in again.

HOW DO YOU LOSE YOUR HEADPHONES TWICE?

I have been known to leave my laptop in the office. 

Multiple times.

And my freaking jacket, two days in a row.

How does that happen, and how do you fix it?

It’s one of those things that’s very funny, but it’s not funny. It’s so easy to mess things up.

I’ve been having strong suicidal thoughts, mainly due to the fear of illness and trauma. Health is damn well impossible, for example. There’s always something wrong, some sorts of aches and pains, something missing, literally this time.

It’s not about the headphones, it’s about the principle.

[Jynx]

Hey @florencefifty sorry to hear you had such a challenging day. I lose/misplace stuff ALL THE TIME, and it's always so irritating. I try to remind myself that our brains didn't really evolve to process anywhere near as much information compared to all the stuff we have to manage on a daily basis. Is it any wonder stuff gets missed?  

Do you have some support to help you work through the suicidal thoughts hun? Or a safety plan or something? 

[MermaidHair]

Hey @florencefifty, thanks for sharing, this was really well written, deep, amusing and insightful. You have a way with words.

It sounds like both your therapist and wife are really supportive.

Chips and gravy sounds pretty good.

I wish I could tell you that you get your (...) more together with age, but in reality you just begin to care less about it being not being together. Or more accurately you realise it is a façade and nobody has it all together. Everyone is forgetting stuff, making mistakes and fumbling through life as best they can. Some mornings I put my kettle in the fridge instead of the milk lol.

For somebody who thinks they are so boring you certainly wrote a pretty engaging account of your day, you have real talent! Do you like to write?

I'm sorry to hear about the dark thoughts. I hope you will follow through with that psychologist visit soon 💜

[Ru-bee]

Hi @florencefifty 

Jeez, that does sound like a rough day. Somedays it's like all these little (or medium) things just seem to compile until they meld into one big mess and a terrible mood. 

I recently misplaced my wallet and my headphones and was so frustrated with myself! They did eventually turn up, and it's an easy thing to do, but that didn't stop that annoyance bubbling up at the time. @Jynx 's point about just how much we have to process in our daily lives is pretty reassuring though - with all the information we take in some things are bound to be forgotten, like where we last put our headphones.

How's today going for you so far? I hope everything's a bit smoother for you today