Hi. I'm 38 living in remote NSW. Before moving out here I was mainly a private patient needing help from public system when the private system wasn't available such as a panic attacks or financial issues affording the psychiatrist fees.
Everybody in private, even if bulk billing believed my story, medicated me and supported me.
I've been dealing with disability since my psychotic breakdown since 2011 and the public system abused me back then because they believed my mother that I'm a lying, attention seeker that makes up stories because she is a sociopath and I'm her victim but she calls herself a nurse so they believe her and treated horrendously.
I had walked into the harbour because the federal police were trying to get me into witness protection and when they I reviewed me they asked about how many sibling I have and who were my friends. They even jabbed a needle ine and kept it there for several mi utes until I couldnt handle it then put security on me as violent.
I've been unconnected to my mother for 10 years now but 2 years ago A Massive episode while I was living in tweed led me to run away from a near end of life episode and I ended up selling my car, going cairns, mount Isa eventually ending up here and settling down.
The area psychiatrist when I got to town claimed he read 16 discharge summaries, not going back to my original section (all of panic attacks since my section) because my psychosis would lead me to emergency via police, not self presentation and said I had never been psychotic in my life. This psychiatrist stated I had personality problems and alcoholic and told professional if they even wanted to help me use distraction and send me on my way.
I've present well over 40 times in 2 years but once a gp gave me a prn at home, presentation were rare and usually medical. Even then I feel the doctors er I see write me off.
I've had sudden acute changes in my condition I believe due to acute stress and PTSD and my psychologist is concerned about my safety and contacted my GP for a bed for observation. The GP who I really don't know said I'd have to be flown out but even though I've seen her 3 times and she said she really didn't know me but then said I wasn't myself and present and she will work with mental health to get a bed.
Got there and the nurses triage was hi, your medically cleared and gp.wrote a note for mental health then without asking me what the problem was or reading doctors note wrote I was sad and depressed when I'm blacking out, dissociating, not being able to remember the night before even if I wasn't drinking and even being disturbed in my sleep with hallucinations. This not at all normal, even drunk.
I have been down the not believed, attention drug seeking test before and it's extremely traumatizing to me. I told nurse I'm going, your all lying to me and setting me up and if anyone cares call the Ambos, even then he talked over me and didn't listen to what I was saying. It's been over 3 hours and nobody has shown up or rung.
Private doctors get my records and treat me. Public every time call me a drunk and attention seeker and make accusations about me and I've got a witness.mental health once said she's just a drunk check her.for detox symptoms and send her on way. for years public health doing this but now I'm remote and this only option and what do I do?
In December I failed my end of life attempt and mental health knew I had done it, had intentions then to do it again but simply didn't know how. 1 person hung up on me and the other told me to get a hobby.
Am I confused about their service or is this not right?
Hey @Elanore welcome to the forums, glad to have you with us.
Goodness, it sounds like you've been put through the ringer, and also had really poor luck in the MH system - lots of institutional trauma, which is not uncommon amongst our members, unfortunately.
Having someone hang up on you, or tell you to just 'get a hobby', when you're trying to find reasons to keep yourself alive, is really poor treatment from mental health professionals. You deserve far better, you deserve compassion and understanding, and you deserve to have your experiences and struggles taken seriously.
Also, in my experience, 'attention-seeking' should be re-labelled as 'connection-seeking' and not used as an insult. Human beings need connection to survive, we're biologically wired to be social. Seeking attention, whether it's during a mental health crisis or simply just in our day-to-day, is NOT a bad thing. It's part of our survival instinct, and it is a need that every human deserves to have met.
I lived "being tortured" and set up and worse in a private hospital for 6 months in my first major admission. My mother was horrendous, she never even qualified as a nurse 45 years ago and she was trialing.to be a theatre nurse, what could she possibly know from a medical perspective.
My memories I talk about before hospital and during hospital are normally centred on what other people said and did and things that actually happened. I wasn't hallucinating I was a fairy or a god etc.
I say it's "my psychosis" because it either has to be true what I'm remembering and it was done to me or it is genuinely a psychosis but for safety with "the mob" I acknowledge it as as the mental condition and use their term psychosis. Even then a professor questioned why I acknowledge "my psychosis". I'm like you can't have it both ways. It's either true or a psychosis but I'm allowed insight into "my condition" without being made felt to be a criminal.
"Attention seeking" is completely normal behaviour who have a disorder that's not being treated correctly but when it's occuring so often and routinely dismissed say 40 times including self harm failed attempts and the psychiatrist still saying his diagnosis is different and refuses to see me after all this I believe should a coroner find out would be criminal negligence.
What do I do? I'm 10 hours out of Sydney now.
Scizzoaffective disorder is often caused by trauma, made worse with complex PTSD and panic, It's not even rational to dismiss it unless the specialist doesn't explore the history and history of public and private presentations and care.
The "attention seeking" is cluster B personality problems and alcohol abuse, which as far as I'm aware is comorbidities that requires psychiatric intervention, but I have to get a hobby
That sounds really rough. I'm sorry that you have had these experiences. Dealing with the public health system is tricky. What has happened to you doesn't sound right at all and it's difficult to know where to go from here. Personally, I bounced around in the public system for some time before I came across a good psychiatrist, and yes, I still bear the memories from some of the more unpleasant experiences I have had to go through with the public system before that. I have been told by staff in the public system that you can present to emergency if you are in distress even if you have not physically harmed yourself in any way. Though in practise on the ground staff don't always see it that way I'll admit. How do you feel would be the best way to advocate for yourself from this point?
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