Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Daughterwithaqu]

Hello all.

My mum has been suffering with generalised anxiety and panic disorder for over 2 years now (officially) and may have bipolar, the professionals cant make their mind up with this one.
She has been to the Perth Clinic and had the intense treatment there and since then has been on and off different meds.
She is doing much better now but still has panic attacks (her trigger is doctors) and actually had one the other day. She was in the docs to have her check up and went into an attack where the gp called the ambulance and she sat in A&E strapped to a guerney until she came around and my dad took her home.
I feel she is not taking appropriate medication and is not making best decisions on her health. I also feel sometimes that she is so stubborn that she thinks she knows best and takes it upon herself to drop medications without doc approval etc.
I go between being obviously concerned and worried to just feeling totally over it and angry that she hasn't sorted herself out by now.
I guess I'm asking a couple of things: how long does this mental illness of hers manifest/go on for; how do I help her to help herself; how do I continue to be empathetic when I feel like she's not doing all she can.
There's probably more I'd like to know or have questions about but I leave it there for now.
Thanks in advance to you all.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Daughterwithaqu

This must be so hard to watch your mother go through. Feeling for you.

How long does such a mental illness last? - that depends on what caused it, impossible for any of us to say here really or relate to without knowing more about your mums background - as to why doctors are a trigger?

It sounds like your mother has had either a) a bad medical experience with a GP or similar b) or has possibly been "personally violated" (physical/mental/sexual abuse) in some way and when examined this could bring the abuse and/or fear of being touched/restrained etc "all back to her" - and she lashes out in wrongly perceived self protection. She seems to be fearing they are going to hurt her for some reason. And that reason would need to be explored in counselling to help reason, control and/or deal with the cause to bring back some rationale.

In my way of thinking if it was just generalised anxiety that caused the reaction the triggers would be more varied - not just be doctors. Has she been withheld medically against her will before (scheduled?). Has she suffered medical negligence? Has she been abused as a child or at any stage of her life?  

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Daughterwithaqu and welcome to the forums. I

am sorry to hear you are struggling with your mother's mental health situation at the moment.

We have had a dramatic switch in my husband several years ago now, and that has been tough going, for me as his wife, but also for our adult children. some of whom are still living at hime. It has compromised everything, including all our relationships, and is as yet undiagnosed (there is an obscure eating disorder involved as well) so we are walking on eggshells and trying to live life around the issues until we can access proper support for him, and in turn for ourselves.

Are you permitt to speak to your mother's doctors and ask the questions you need answers for ?

[Lauz]

Hi @Daughterwithaqu,

As you can see, I have just moved your discussion thread to an area where I think you will get more responses and is more suited!

You have some lovely and helpful replies already - welcome to the forums 

[Daughterwithaqu]

In terms of doctors as a trigger, I think a lot has to do with the 'what It's, she's had panic attacks at dentists too. She's always hated dentists and has bad experiences.
She's also had a very rough childhood with a mentally abusive father and a father that should be in jail for sexual abuse. There is the possibility that she was raped as a child, or at the least sexually abused in some way by her father's friend; only seemed to have recalled this in about 1998 when she had a trip back to where she came from. Her family was also extremely poor ie received Xmas gifts from charities and church.

I have no idea what set her panics and depression and anxiety off to the point of needing to go into the clinic but it was on her terms; she came out and went back in so was there for a total of 10 weeks or so, all while I was pregnant and had my first child. I'm now pregnant with my second. She hated group therapy and couldn't stand it and would leave either with an attack or just before having one. She can't sit there and wait for her turn, she gets too anxious and felt that the counsellor spent more time on some people (which they'd already heard from) than others. All her words of course. The only thing tjat worked was art therapy, basically something individual and individual counselling with the psych.

[Daughterwithaqu]

What ifs*

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yes @Daughterwithaqu ...... it's terribly traumatic. There are many people who have suffered CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) on the Lived Experience forum, many of whom only discovered hidd n memories when triggered by something else traumatic in adult life ...... like a domino effect ...... and arenstruggling now in therapy and under medication. It is so terribly destructive ...... but your mother is a survivor ....... and the push-back against predators comes in the form of their survivors ...... especially if they can be brought to answernfor what they did. If not, but people around the survivors put the picture together ..... it still focusses the blame back onto the perpetrator and demonstrates just how long-term destructive their behaviour has been.

I am so sorry to hear that she, and you in concert with her, have suffered so much. I hope she is producing some amazingly beautiful artwork.

💐🌷💕

[Former-Member]

Hi @Daughterwithaqu

I did think sexual abuse/childhood abuse was involved - it can present as chronic anxiety and depression and sometimes psychosis ; I have suffered similar anxiety for similar reasons.

Your mother has trust issues as a result, trust in others particularly non-existent, and particularly with strangers; - in the back of her mind she believes dentists, doctors and and perhaps other strangers are going to hurt her as did others who were suppose to protect her well being. Massive mistrust and "not feeling safe in this world" eats away at her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. All areas needs healing for your mum to find some peace. Everything evokes anxiety when one is like this - especially when invasive body procedures are involved....This is a "reaction to trauma and abuse from the past". It can be possibly an acute state of neurosis that can lead to what they use to call hysteria once (you can google to learn more). 

This can be very complex and the healing of such trauma is very individual - but counselling by those who specialise in this area is the most effective treatment here - and why your mother is emphasising an urgent need "to be heard" in group therapy. She needs "one on one attention in therapy" at the moment and to have her pain and fears acknowledged and understood. Also the different meds your mother has been off and on could have infused and raised her anxiety levels (similar to or the same as serotonin syndrome). Could be a combination of things.

Some people whom suffer similar can need general anaesthetic to have tests such as MRIs....And most medical professionals are not trained to deal with such anxious patients. So many whom suffer such avoid medical interventions which can put their lives at risk. Such anxious patients "needs constant reassurance", like one would give a child as they feel as helpless in those circumstances as one unfortunately.

Your mum needs one on one counselling - needs to be truly heard and her pain and fears acknowledged. This can be an ongoing work in progress and it depends on the individual's willingness to trust again and face their fears. So sorry for your family's pain.