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04-09-2018 04:02 PM
04-09-2018 04:02 PM
Re: Old Habits
I didn't go to work today...and this is how I feel.
I slept until 10.30am and have been in my pjs all day, have not left the 4 walls of my house and kept all the doors and curtains closed. Completely shut off from the world. I haven't once felt anxious or teary. That should feel good but instead I put guilt into the way I am feeling. If I am feeling calmer and less how I was yesterday or the last few days / weeks I should be at work, it is what is expected...right????? But I know if I leave this place, aim my car towards work it will come crashing back down
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04-09-2018 05:14 PM
04-09-2018 05:14 PM
Re: Old Habits
Some days @BlackCat13 you just cannot face the day - that can happen whether you have a MI or not. Having a day to yourself sounds like what you needed so don't beat yourself up for that. You work in a hard profession so it is not surprsing that you need a day off every now and then
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07-09-2018 07:18 PM - edited 07-09-2018 07:26 PM
07-09-2018 07:18 PM - edited 07-09-2018 07:26 PM
Re: Old Habits
Saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he has increased my medication. It was an exhausting session of talking and answering the "are you going to be ok until I next see you, your not suicidal?" I may have those thoughts sometimes but I know I would definetly never follow through because I would never want to impact the lives of my nieces or students.
Returning to work on Monday is going to be difficult and now I have just found out my parents are coming to visit and plan on staying at my place for 5 nights. Family is one of my stressors along with work so looks like I will end up back at square one (where I was on Monday) I have spent these days not at work at home with just my cat, all doors and curtains closed so the world could not enter. I felt calmer during this time and now my re-entry into life will have overwhelming stress.
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07-09-2018 07:20 PM
07-09-2018 07:20 PM
Re: Old Habits
@BlackCat13 Hello!
My students were also a reason that kept me here.
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08-09-2018 02:01 PM
08-09-2018 02:01 PM
Re: Old Habits
@BlackCat13. The way you describe Depression creeping back into your life & then the changes that occur - is exactly how it feels when I've been feeling a little better and Depression rides in and says "No".
It's depressing in itself, let alone without the negative self talk and the full on guilts. It's a hard time to struggle through.
But I've managed 3 weeks now without Depression in sight. So hang in there. This too will pass.
Holding you until your strength returns
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08-09-2018 02:23 PM
08-09-2018 02:23 PM
Re: Old Habits
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08-09-2018 05:07 PM
08-09-2018 05:07 PM
Re: Old Habits
@utopiaThank you. I am simply focused on 1 day at a time and knowing I see my psychiatrist again this week (we had to alter an appointment which has turned out to be fortuitous) I'm happy you are in a good spot.
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08-09-2018 05:16 PM
08-09-2018 05:16 PM
Re: Old Habits
@TABI hope you are doing ok. Work causes so many issues for so many I haven't been eating properly either. I just don't seem to have the desire to cook for 1 or the energy to eat. Make sure to look after yourself.
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08-09-2018 05:29 PM
08-09-2018 05:29 PM
Re: Old Habits
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08-09-2018 06:56 PM
08-09-2018 06:56 PM
Re: Old Habits
@TABnot sure re life luck with me either. Black Cat 13 is because I was born on a Friday the 13th much to my grandmother's dislike.