Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Zam]

Hi @Former-Member

im ok, how are you?

thank you that means a lot to know there are people here if i need it. Im honoured to be able to have even actually helped anyone just from answering some questions.

Unfortunately i dont think i am able to continue studying. I have a son of my own and as much as i love studying and was determined for a future in mental health, its not helping financially at the moment or any time soon. So i am on very little money and i need to be able to support my son..

I have been stressed about it for a while now and i think the best way to go is look for a job.

anyway thats life hey, not everything goes the way we plan it. But hey my son is everything to me and is my fist priority 🙂

i hope you are doing good

[Grasshopper3]

@Zen,
wishing you the very best in supporting your son. I hope you find something suitable. You can always look at studying when your son is a bit older?
What sort of job are you looking for?
Good luck mate!
🌷

[Former-Member]

hello @Zam

Thank you so much for your response.

You are following your heart and your son means the world to you.

Study can be taken up at any age. People in their eighties and nineties are starting again not that I mean you need to wait that long

As for your dream to help others within the mental health system, you are actually already doing that just not being paid for your heartwarming gestures.

You have delved into your anxiety and found the underlying reason for your stress. This will help your health and state of mind moving forward as you would already know.

Your son will have such a wonderful relationship with you as you are a person who has empathy.

The two of you will give much to each other

I am very close to both of my sons. change is happening for my older son; he is making demands that are impossible for me. Verbally abused me again for not acting immediately on his commands. So I am licking my wounds and thinking about my boundaries at present. Tomorrow is another day.

I wish you both all the best.

I hope that you can stop by every now and again; give us an update on your new journey.

stay safe and enjoy now xx

[Purification]

Hi Zam

First of all my much much gratitude for allowing yourself to be able to help others, that takes alot of courage. God bless you 😊 I kinda dont know where to begin as I am disoriented full of emotions from lost, hurt anger, sad etc. I was with my boyfriend for a year and just recently he hurt me badly, that I escaped to my neighbor who called the police and ambulance. As we speak he has an intervention order, first court hearing was adjourned and was shock to hear he was taken to the ICU because he had attack his dad too. He has now been released. I dont get to talk to him personally because I fear him and I'm getting counseling myself just trying to understand it all. He has been dignosed with schizophrenia, it's still early stages for us all his family and mine too. Apparently he asked me to change my statement. I haven't press charges and I wont I have been doing my own research but it's still hard till I stubble this forum 😊 I would like to have some insight because my heart is just so heavy. I don't know how to answer any of his questions, I know that I can never see him believe me with all the accusations he made of him and I have never done any of it. If I had know the signs earlier of his illness maybe I could have gotten him the help but instead it ended violently. He wants me to return to our rental property but he just doesn't seem to still understand that he had a serious offence and he needs to continue his treatment and follow the court order. He thinks that I should just drop it all and everything be back to normal. The chances are the police will still press charges on him for public safety etc. I basically would like your honest advice because I honestly dont know what my ex is experiencing...I what him to get the proper help and I am doing my all to help him and his family while in the process I'm do what I can for myself. I'd appreciate some kind of advice, I do still love and care for him but he does not understand my experience which saddens me and so hurt he thinks I'm horrible and hurtful. It all not easy for both of us 😭.

[Appleblossom]

I can hear your love and understanding come through your post. @Purification

I also had a partner with Schizophrenia.  It is sad and tragic and difficult to manage.

If he does not fully realise the level of impact his actions had on you, then it is probably wiser to keep living separate. I made the mistake of being too compliant with my ex hausband's requests and demand. I would not do that now ... 30 years later ... I can see how bad it was for me .... but people and relationships are different ... you can take things slowly and see how the court situation evolves and how he works with his diagnosis.

Take care of you. 

[Zam]

Hi  @Purification, 

sorry to hear what you have had to go through with your ex boyfriend. From the sounds of it he is a danger to you and i think distance is a good thing. That is great and all that you want to help him and so on but you need to look after yourself.

You said it was early stages for him with his diagnosis? if that is the case, is he on medication?

i can only image how hard it must be to be with someone who has schizophrenia. I can speak from the opposte side of that and well speaking for myself when i was off medication i would drag my ex partners into my delusions and it was not fair at all to them. 

Also you mentioned you wish you could do more to help him, but honestly there isnt much you or anyone could do for him if he doesnt want help. One of the worst things with this illness is that you dont feel sick and feel completely sane, so when people constantly tell you that you need help or acting strange and whatever else, it makes those people telling you that seem to have something wrong with them and you will push them away fast..

I dont know about your ex boyfriends symptoms and can not speak for him but i guess my advice is to look after yourself. Put yourself first..  he has hurt you before and if he isnt getting any treatment, i would stay clear of him for now..

im sorry i could not help more. If you have any actual questions i can answer but yeah i really do hope things get better for you

[Purification]

Thank you @ Applebottom this reassures me to listen to my intuition...its so hard and yet diffintely confusing. Just not knowing the unknown, his parents dont know as much as he has pushed them away as thinks their liars too and all their doing is with an open heart, mind and hands. He just wants to communicate with me and I refuse to drop some of the intervention orders. It's all new to me and not sure how the court system work with mental illness; I have done some research however it all depends on him, I guess. I just pray that they see to it he needs treatment and not a jail sentence.

God bless you

[Purification]

Hi @ Zam

Thanks for the advice I am in the process of putting me first to seek counseling and get legal aid assistance after a month heartache, headache rollwrcoaster of emotions.

I honestly dont know what to believe...apparently his on meds he says they do help and say his better but the next his being all delusional and saying nasty things again; and his learnt his lesson, that I should drop the entire IVO and things will go back to normal. So yes it quiet early days and I am staying away.

I guess my questions are...how long usually till his mental is stable? Or if how many times did you have to have to change meds to get the right one the worked for you? And if or when he is at a positive mental state should I be careful what I say and sti be me, or to always be me truthful and honest as I am always? Just preparing myself as I don't want to make things worse for him or he has triggers. Do ever forget what you said or done once your stable and admit it to yourself and than others?

At this very current moment I hear he his very sorry and that he wants to fix things, his learnt his lessons, he never hurt me again, he wants us to have the same lawyer (that doesn't make sense to me) but in the process saying its my mess too, that he wants me to put him as next of kin! And that he will ask his doctors etc to communicate with me on his progress.

I dont know what to believe at this very minute.

Much gratitude 💚✌🙏

[Zam]

@Purification that is good to hear you are putting yourself first and seeking counselling and legal aid.

sorry that I'm not overly good at offering advice. It is easier for me to answer questions rather than offering my opinion on what people should do in certain situations because I don't trust myself as being the best decision maker, let alone trying to do that for other people if that makes sense. With questions I can just answer stuff through my experience and hopefully that helps.

That is good I think that he said he is taking medication but it is very possible he isn't on the right one for him. If he is still having delusions and other symptoms, that seems to be a good indicator he needs to be on a stronger dose or a different medication.

i myself went on about 6 different medications while being hospitalised before I finally got put on the right dose and medication. It can be a long process before symptoms get a bit better and even longer if he doesn't want to be on medication because he can just stop taking them and it does not take long at all for symptoms such as delusions to come back.

triggers are always going to be a big thing on or off medication. So it's good to be aware of that.

i myself have never forgotten anything I said or did while in full blown psychotic episodes. But I did talk a lot with a girl when I was in hospital who also had schizophrenia and she said she could not remember a lot of stuff. So it is possible that some don't remember or that they try really hard to block it out.

what is your gut feeling on him being sorry and wanting to fix things? Do you still want to be with him? If so, he is lucky to have you but if you don't want to be with him I would back off from him as much as possible or he might get the wrong idea.

you said you don't know what to believe so maybe just go off your gut feeling and do whatever you feel is right for you.

[Purification]

@Zam

I respect your total honesty 😊 and yes can understand where your are coming from completely. From talking of your experience you have no idea how much more awareness its giving me.

Yes the triggers are my most feared part because I never had to deal with this type of schizophrenia and not quite sure what type he may have...and their are many types. Therefore if I do decide to be with him it's something I know I will have to educate myself in working to help him...and it's quite scary...I lost my late partner from cancer and nursed him from home until he spent his passing days in hospital for 4 days that alone was something I can not fully express at the minute however in all honesty to stay with someone you love and care who has a mental illness I diffintely know this would have to be my biggest challenge in life!

I've know him since high school however as we do after high school people live different lives and now I see that so much can happen to a person when you haven't seen them for years.

As for him being sorry and wanting to fix things...for me is still too early for me to make any call on it. I am just being cautious. However he has stated that he wants to allow the doctors etc if they could inform me on his progress that way I am in the know and also he has asked me to think about me being the next of kin for me. Is that something to take serious? Because like I have mentioned he may easily say one thing and than who know the next.

I haven't heard of any news from him...and it maybe the meds too or also waiting for an answer from me... which hopefully gives me time to think about his request because his well aware that what he is asking of me is alot. Meaning giving up alot too.

Thank you so much for being real and honest, there is a little bit of weight of my shoulder at the minute. Therefore if there are any experience you can share or of others along my journey of making the biggest decision of my life I am forever grateful. Because this isnt easy. Whatever decision is it I know it will be for my best only and his.

Much gratitude

I