Morning Check-in

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde that's good sweet ❤️

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

Something happened at church though

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde i am here if you would like to talk about it sweet.

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

I was talking with a friend and just trying to stay regulated when Azariah came up behind me and surprised me with firmly putting his hand on my shoulder. I jumped and looked at him and all I could see was one of my childhood perpetrators.

I could feel the sheer look of terror on my face and he asked me "why are you scared of me" I said "not something for today"

He backed off and I burst into tears and the tears kept erupting through the service because of just how scared I was.

[Dreamy]

Oh sweetheart @avant-garde that sounds so tough. I'm sorry that this happened to you today. 

Sending you hugs beautiful ❤️

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy are you still awake?

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde sorry sweetheart I was sleeping. 

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

I think I'm starting to realise something

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde I'm here if you'd like to share sweet.

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

Azariah often surprises me with touch at church and I think yesterday was a true and honest reaction to every time he does it. 

I think I often disguise my true response but on Christmas I couldn't. 

I think subconsciously he triggers me every time he surprises me with touch. 

I think this isn't helping my recovery, because it's putting me on guard every time I walk into church.