how to cope with BPD symptoms, help

[evernightstars]

Hi everyone,

I want to preface this with that I do not have, nor do I want, a diagnosis of BPD. I know it’s quite commonly comorbid with my diagnoses (ASD, CPTSD, DID, and formerly Schizophreniform Disorder), and I do experience BPD-specific symptoms that aren’t part of the others.

I’ve mainly been struggling with the obsession-devaluation cycle and splitting.

Content/trigger warning

I hate having a “favourite person”, I keep going from “they adore me I’m the best ever they’re the best ever” to “they hate me I should f—king off myself but I’m going to ruin their life first”.

 And I keep oscillating between finding people close to me perfect or abhorrent. I know it logically doesn’t make sense but I can’t convince myself. I’m clingy and need reassurance but I’m too scared to ask for it because it’d make me insufferable. I just want to be someone’s best friend…

God, how do I cope with this? The mood swings are so draining, and I should be focusing on my goddamn HSC instead (I’m 18, graduating high school this year. I managed to get diagnosed with DID only because I had a rich foster family very familiar with the private psychiatric system, and I was free from the traumatic environment of my home.) I feel like I’m dying.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @evernightstars 

It sounds as if you already have a lot of insight if you understand psychological splitting. I first read about it 40 years ago at uni. I am pretty old, but we do have something else in common. I was in the foster care system as a kid. With such early attachment instability, it makes sense to me that ymight feel like that.

Good luck with your studies. I do value getting an education. I left school end of year 11 and ended up finishing HSC at night school a few years later. I also am happy to identify as aspie.

dont want to distract you from studying, but saying hello. Tag me if you want to chat.