struggling with everything

[Anon23]

in my mid 20s and i cant seem to make friends, no where will hire me and it’s getting to me so bad, i don’t know what to do anymore, i’m unemployed so i can’t meet anyone that way or pay for groups and in a small town it’s hard to find groups, i have a boyfriend so that’s nice but when he goes to work i feel so alone sometimes and he has his own friends too

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Anon23 and welcome to the forums

It can be really hard making friends and maintaining friendships, especially as an adult. It sounds like this is a pretty isolating space to be in. It's not easy to put yourself out there, but you've done that by posting here so good on you.

How can we best support you here on the forums? We've got lots of social spaces on here which can be great spaces to connect. I sure many members have been in the same space and may be able to offer guidance.

Either way the forums community is here for you

[DogMan79]

Hi @Anon23 

I have 6 niblings (Nieces and nephews) all 20s or nearing 30. And based on that, unemployment until nearly 30 seems perfectly normal

Good luck

[Spencer71]

It sounds like you’re going through a really tough and lonely time, and I’m really glad you shared this. What you wrote shows a lot of self-awareness and strength — you know what you’re needing, even if the options around you feel limited right now.
Small towns, unemployment, and tight budgets can make connection feel almost impossible, and none of that is a reflection of your worth. Wanting friendships outside your relationship is completely valid, and feeling alone when your boyfriend is at work just means you’re human.
Even in a tough season like this, you’re still reaching out and looking for support — that’s a sign of resilience. If you ever want to brainstorm small, no-cost ways to meet people or build routine, I’d be happy to help. You’re not alone, and things can shift, even one small step at a time.

[Anon23]

i’d really like that thank you 🙏 would mean a lot to brainstorm some
stuff

[MJG017]

Hi @Anon23, welcome to the forum.

I struggled with the same stuff when I was your age.  Struggling to make friends and I was never much good at getting a job.  I always thought I just wasn't good enough and these constant 'failures' only reinforced that for me.  I've managed to start to change the over the past couple of years, and one realisation helped me to do it.  Maybe it will help you as well, maybe not... but I saw that trying to be someone I wasn't, just to make other people happy or like me, was futile.  If I needed to do that for other people then they would be the sort of people that would never be there for me when I needed them.  I decided I was more than good enough for anyone.  It was a small thing, but it allowed me to start to be more open with people, be more of my real self.  There was a self-confidence that came with that, and it helped me a lot.  I've done so much the past couple of year that I would never have even contemplated before.  I now find it much easier to interact with people and make connections with them.  It's still a big work in progress, but it only takes a small change to see the difference.  The confidence can start to snowball.  I don't mean to say i'm not some super-confident extrovert... far from it!  But I can be open and honest with people, and that has allowed me to make some strong connection with some other people for the first time in my life. 

I guess my advice is to be yourself, you're more than good enough.  People you want in your life will see that if you let them.  The people who don't see it... well, you wouldn't want them around anyway.  You don't like everyone you meet, so why will everyone you meet like you?  That's normal, it's not anything wrong with you.

Some small tips I found helpful at the start were to stop just saying "okay" if someone asked how I was doing.  You can say"okay", but add on "...and how are you?".  It shows interest in the other person.  Try to be curious about people.  Ask them about themselves.  If they mention something about themselves, ask them a bit more about it.  But just be genuine... people can tell if you're not.  It takes time and practice, but people will notice the difference in you and it will get easier.  Just keep reminding yourself that there's nothing wrong with you.  Because there's not.  We all have things we're good at and not so good at.  Some people are bad at maths, or drawing, or sports... some of us are bad at connecting with people.  It just means we have to work a little harder to improve those things if we want to be better at it.  

You've already posted about yourself here, it took me until my 40's before I ever found the courage to do that!  So you're WAY ahead of me.  Just keep doing what you're doing and you will find 'your people'.  Trust yourself.