Starting over

[Sadness2015]

Any advice would be great - how to start over and how to learn how to trust....

My narcissist ex-husband kidnapped my young children 10 years ago and I have not seen them since... both of my best friends  (25 years of friendship) deserted me in the next 2 years (both had their own issues that they were dealing with at the time).... having just arrived in a new country, I got no help and no support... and nothing has changed in the past 10 years. 

Living with this grief for 10 years has affected my health physically and mentally - I now have chronic PTSD and chronic anxiety disorder.... after studying for 3 years to get back into the workforce, I was attacked my a child at school and injured badly - just been place on DSP 6 months ago.... I feel like my life is over .... I have barely agreed to a date in the past 10 years as I have major trust issues - I struggle to make friends or form connections as I have major trust issues... 

I feel like I live in my head all the time - I have now started having dissociative episodes as well. My psychologist said it is my brain just shutting down as it can no longer cope.... 

Anyone dealing with this - please reach out - any assistance would be appreciative. 

[Jynx]

Hi @Sadness2015 welcome to the forums. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us, I know it can be really hard to be vulnerable in a new space. 

I can hear how impacted you are from what has happened in your life over the last decade. It is an enormous amount of grief to process, and I know what it is like to crave the support of the very people you are grieving over, but cannot speak to. It's so rough. 

I'm really glad you found this space to connect to others - it's hard to feel so alone in our experiences, but I feel like there may be a few people who can relate to this sense of grief and loss that you're going through. 

I'll tag a couple from the top of my head, but maybe @Shaz51 may know more members who might be able to relate?

@Leeanne1 @ENKELI @ccau_82 

[Sadness2015]

Thanks - hopefully people will reach out who are dealing with this as well.... this weekend is extremely tough for me. 

[ENKELI]

Thanks @Jynx for tagging me ❤️

@Sadness2015 I can relate although my story is different. I was supporting my best friend and her 2 children financially and emotionally for 10 years. Her kids were my God children and I bonded with them as if they were my own. 

I gave up my life for this friend who became my non romantic soul mate.

2 years ago this friend cut me out of her life and in turn I lost my God children, the chance to explore a relationship with her brother (we were attracted to each other but were taking it slowly) and the other members of her family I was close with. 

I was not able to have kids of my own so when I met this friend it was like being blessed. My Godson was particularly close to me and when the house we were renting came up for sale he wanted to stay with me.

I moved back to my own home and my Godson without me around had no one to talk to. He was expelled from the private school I'd been paying for him and his sister to attend, then I was cut off.

I have missed my God daughter's 16th and 18th birthdays, her graduation and getting her licence. 

I wasn't able to attend my church because she turned people against me and so I am left friendless without "my" kids and it has been hell.

I have found support from members on Sane as well as my faith but it still cripples me with pain and being a person who suffered rejection in her life, the rejection of my friend cut deep. 

I will add you to my prayers if that is okay with you, and know that this is a safe space.

I am in Perth, 56 and single and apparently I am a good listener even though I do like to "talk" lots!

Take care and be kind to yourself. 

There are plenty of different topics here and I'm happy to tag you in any you may be interested in.

Hugs 🫂 Enkeli 

[Sadness2015]

ENKEL (no idea how to tag someone yet) - thanks for sharing your story.... the pain is indescribable -  I even stopped attending church as the minute anyone found out that I have children, but are not in their lives - I got judged .... so my faith has gone up in smoke as well in the last year.  

[Jynx]

@Sadness2015 hopefully you saw my instructions for tagging in the other thread! 

@ENKELI the above is for you 😊

[ENKELI]

@Sadness2015 to tag someone you just type the @ symbol and a list of names will come up for you to select. And no problem if you don't get the hang of it. 

I have only just started considering church again too. It can be a hard place to attend when you're hurting which it shouldn't be.

We have a Christian chat forum if you want to join - when you are ready.

Do you mind if I ask you which state you're in? Because of the time difference between WA and the east I try to be mindful of others who are getting ready for bed while I'm making dinner.

Feel free to share whatever you feel up to.

And feel free to ask me anything. I am happy to answer any questions you may have. 

I will not try and tell you that it gets better with time. The one thing I have noticed is that I no longer cry every day and I don't feel like there's a dagger in my heart every single minute anymore. That is the only good thing about time in my very humble opinion. 

[Sadness2015]

@ENKELI  - I am in QLD.... I have started disassociating in the past couple of weeks - my psychologist said it is because my brain can no longer cope as I am also really ill at the moment, and have had two surgeries in the last six weeks... 

[Dreamy]

Hello @Sadness2015 I can sort of relate to this but again my story is a bit different. I have 2 children aged 18 and 17 that don't live with me. I lost my daughter when she was 6 months old and my son 4 hours after he was born due to the person that I was in a relationship with at the time. I feel like there's constantly a part of me missing or rather 2 and it hurts like hell. The first few years of their lives I was kept at a distance due to the involvement of child protection services but once that was sorted I was able to be a part of their lives and we had a very close connection where I saw them every day. I didn't fight for them through the court system as they were in the care of my mother and had developed a bond with her which would have been detrimental to them to break. Fast forward to earlier this year when everything fell apart, I not only lost the bond with them but also with my mother. My heart has been broken ever since and I'm not sure if it's possible to repair things. 

I'm really sorry for what you've been through but know that you are not alone. 

@Jynx @ENKELI 

[Sadness2015]

@Dreamy thank you for sharing your story - all of our stories are a little different, but yet the pain and the grief we feel is the same .....