What to do with spare time?

[kato]

Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady 

it seems to me like you have a good understanding of where you are at, and have a clear thought process in place for going for a walk on friday, which sounds good, i myself when i get in a mood, go for long drives, it for me is very relaxing, even tho i probably should be a bit more careful with how i drive.... i like that you realise that it perhaps isn't the best thing to talk to your supervisor straight away, because you know how you are feeling and the outcome, i once got into a blue with the accounts manager at where i worked, he sent me a rather brusque email, which was not uncommen i actually was one of the only staff members to get along with him, i wrote a scathing email response, then read it three times, deleted it and then spoke to him when i had calmed down which worked out really well, we had a laugh about the email after (completely different scenario i know)

I would like for you to remember something, on this forum, you are not a bother at all. We all worry about each other when we are struggling, and we understand what it is like to be going through these things, some more then others.

i write so much random stuff here, to just clear my head, i stopped apologising for it, because everyone here cares about each other, as sandy said we are your friends, you just can't see us or hear us lol 🙂

Oh i usually start my sessions with my psychologist by shoving notes at her and wait to hear what she says lol it is my way of starting the session, i can never find the words to actually speak at first.

typing on the other hand i get carried away.

Stay safe and remember we care, and you can always write what you need without worry of bothering we understand 🙂

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Hey Allessandra,
I'm trying to convince myself the time off is a good thing. And I think once I get over this (feeling hurt about how it was handled) I will enjoy it.
They wanted me to take a few weeks off, but I know if I do that bad things will happen. To try and get everyone off my back I said I'd take Fridays off until everything (my annual leave and MI) is under control. This way I hopefully won't be to stressed about people not doing my work properly and feeling left out coz I'm not at work.
My aim this Friday is to buy a pressie for by brothers 21st (he can't seriously be that old already?!l), try and clean my house top to bottom (being depressed means my house looks like a bomb went off), and go for a walk and see what wildlife I can spot. I might try my local library at a later stage, at the moment I only leave the house for work, and the idea of people scares me.
Thanks for the hugs and support. Every time I am on here I am so glad I finally got the courage up to join and pot on here. ❤️

[Alessandra1992]

You're not a bother, and you're not a worry..maybe you could write down a couple of questions and review them tomorrow? And when I struggle I pick up the phone and I ring my psychologist and I ask if I can move my appointment earlier and ask to be put on the cancellation list..I have often got soneone else's cancelled appointment within a few days...it really sucks that your supervisor wasn't able to flag her concerns with you prior to going to HR..

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks guys.
I always feel like I'm wasting everyone's time, and that someone more important is missing out as a result. So I don't talk about my problems ever.
So I'm sorry that I keep apologising 😜

I called and I can't get to my psychologist any sooner, I'm already on the waiting list, but people tend tend to not show up, rather than call.

I'm debating going to my GP tonight?? I feel stupid going to him about this sort of thing, but if I had a physical problem I prolly wouldn't feel so stupid.

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

I spoke to my boss today about the whole thing and explained about how I feel about how it was handled and how worried I was about our friendship. We talked it out, I cried, she cried, we hugged. 😛
She was genuinely interested in learning more about my MI's, and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help me in the workplace.
I feel so much better now, and I am /almost/ looking forward to having a day off each week.
I honestly think I was more concerned about losing her as a friend than anything else.

[kato]

That is some excellent news, that you were able to have that discussion with your boss/friend and that it has worked out well.

Makes having a day per week such a better idea now that you seem to have mapped it out with work etc.

did you end up going and seeing your Dr? or are you going to wait for the psychologist?

Just curious is all,

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks Kato,
I feel so much better. It's unbelievable how much a thing like this can get me so worked up.
I haven't gone to the GP, I'm feeling heaps better mentally, so I'll try and wait till I see my psychologist. I feel awkward going to my GP just to have a chat... He's really good with all this, but I always feel bad seeing the waiting room so full of sick people when I'm just going to see him for a whinge...
HR has written a report that I have to give the psychologist.

[Alessandra1992]

Hmmm..this situation is not a whinge, it is stressful for anyone to be called by HR about their performance or behaviour in their workplace.. Please don't trivialise your pain, because sometimes if we reach out early..it prevents a massive decline in the long run...if your GP is happy to see you, then see him as he sounds fantastic. I am thrilled that you were able to chat with your supervisor and friend, that's wonderful you were able to speak openly and honestly together..
Please excuse my nagging style..but I just wanted to emphasize that pain and distress is important, whether it is physical or mental it is still always worth reaching out for support when we are distressed..Always.. Mind you, this forum is a pretty fab place to reach out on too..but sometimes a bit of trusted face to face talking is just what is needed..
In the meantime, shopping for a 21st, that sounds like fun! What are you think king of getting your little brother (not so little anymore though 🙂 )

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

The other thing that I forgot to mention about the convo I had with my bossfriend was that I brought up the fact that I was concerned about how my MI was brought up and that I was worried it would affect my job.

She said that it wouldn't, but she wanted to know if there was anything she can do (shuffle my duties etc.) that would help me and my MI. Saying "me and my MI" makes it sound like a misbehaving pet... (I need sleep so I'm cracking myself up over here)

She also said that she hadn't heard of BPD, and was quite eager to know more about it. She asked if I can email her info about my MI's (SA and BPD) so she can learn and have a better idea how to help me, and understand.

I'm kinda pleased, but now I'm trying to find some info. Does anyone have any ideas, other than the SANE factsheets??

[Hobbit]

Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady 

Just been reading your posts. In the midst of everything, it sounds like you have actually made some good progress, as in connecting on a deeper level with your boss-friend. The fact that she wants to know more about your condition tells me she really wants to help and support you any way she can. Also, the fact that she is willing to look at shuffling your duties around a bit shows this too. It's really very encourgaing!!

Some further info on BDP that you could direct her to can be found on the BDP Foundation website, which I have included for you here. I hope this helps.

I know it's still a journey you have in front of you, but this is a good solid start. It shows that good things can come out of difficult situations, and as so many of us say on these forums now...hope does endure!!

Hobbit.